Administratium is a well-known joke in scientific circles, and is a spoof both on the bureaucracy of scientific establishments and on descriptions of newly discovered chemical elements. In 1991, Thomas Kyle (the supposed discoverer of this element) was awarded an Ig Nobel Prize for physics, making him one of only three fictional people to have won the award. yt dftj cgh cjhgScience in the broadest sense refers to any system of knowledge attained by verifiable means. ... In contemporary usage, a parody is a work that imitates another work in order to ridicule, ironically comment on, or poke affectionate fun at the work itself, the subject of the work, the author or fictional voice of the parody, or another subject. ... Bureaucracy is a concept in sociology and political science referring to the way that the administrative execution and enforcement of legal rules is socially organized. ... Plato is credited with the inception of academia: the body of knowledge, its development and transmission across generations. ... The periodic table of the chemical elements A chemical element, often called simply an element, is a substance that cannot be decomposed or transformed into other chemical substances by ordinary chemical processes. ... 1991 (MCMXCI) was a common year starting on Tuesday of the Gregorian calendar. ... The Ig Nobel Prizes are a parody of the Nobel Prizes and are given each year in early fall — around the time the recipients of the genuine Nobel Prizes are announced — for ten achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think. ...

The piece was written by William DeBuvitz in 1988 and first appeared in print in The Physics Teacher (January 1989 issue).

A common version of Administratium's description

Administratium, the heaviest known element, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it a mass number of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. Properties [1][2] In physics, the proton (Greek proton = first) is a subatomic particle with an electric charge of one positive fundamental unit (1. ... The Electron is a fundamental subatomic particle that carries an electric charge. ... In chemistry and physics, the atomic number (Z) is the number of protons found in the nucleus of an atom. ... This article or section does not cite its references or sources. ... An assistant is a person or electronic tool that helps some person (usually a higher athourity liek a king or CEO) with their work. ... The mass number (A), also called atomic mass number or nucleon number, is the number of protons plus the number of neutrons in an atomic nucleus. ... This is a list of particles in particle physics, including currently known and hypothetical elementary particles, as well as the composite particles that can be built up from them. ... A semi-accurate depiction of the helium atom. ... In physics, force is an influence that may cause a body to accelerate. ... To meet Wikipedias quality standards, this article may require cleanup. ...

Since it has no electrons, administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to its discoverers, a tiny amount of administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second. Chemistry (from Greek χημεία khemeia[1] meaning alchemy) is the science of matter at the atomic to molecular scale, dealing primarily with collections of atoms, such as molecules, crystals, and metals. ... A chemical reaction occurs when vapours of hydrogen chloride and ammonia meet to form a cloud of a new substance, ammonium chloride Chemical reaction is a process that results in the interconversion of chemical substances [1]. The substance or substances initially involved in a chemical reaction are called reactants. ... Water, Rabbit, and Deer: three of the 20 day symbols in the Aztec calendar, from the Aztec Sun Stone. ... Look up second in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ...

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization. Half-Life For a quantity subject to exponential decay, the half-life is the time required for the quantity to fall to half of its initial value. ... A year is the time between two recurrences of an event related to the orbit of the Earth around the Sun. ...

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings. Layers of Atmosphere (NOAA) Air redirects here. ...

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to data are not promising. A committee has been formed to look into the issue. The physicist Albert Einstein is probably the most famous scientist of our time. ... Toxic redirects here, but this is also the name of a song by Britney Spears; see Toxic (song) Look up toxic and toxicity in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ...

Bureaucratite

An extension of the "Administratium" joke, Bureaucratite is a mineral that contains Administratium.

One version of the spoof public announcement reads:

"Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium; Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite. An amorphous solid is a solid in which there is no long-range order of the positions of the atoms. ... Pumpjack pumping an oil well near Sarnia, Ontario Ignacy Łukasiewicz - inventor of the refining of kerosene from crude oil. ... Viscosity is a measure of the resistance of a fluid to deformation under shear stress. ...

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits. Asphalt is a highly viscous liquid that occurs naturally in most crude petroleums. ...

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excrutiatingly long and painful and rarely completely successful. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion."

The author is unknown.

Governmentium

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. The 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. In the United States, Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but, instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact Governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each successive reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moronic promotion leads scientists to believe Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. Such an hypothetical quantity is called the Critical Morass'.

When catalyzed with filthy lucrium, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. The momentum of the morons is in inverse proportion to the quantity of criminalium present in any given universe of Governmentium, especially when in contact with Agencium. The reason for the immobilium of Governmentium is its impregnation, at the highest echelons, with layer upon layer of criminalium, plus the institutionalisation of scamiumarrogans perpetualis, a pathogen driven by greedium and venalium Illuminans.