The Fast Show is a BBC comedy Sketch show programme which ran from 1994 to 2000. It also produced two national tours, the first in 1998 with the cast of the BBC spoof quiz show Shooting Stars, and the second being their 'Farewell Tour' in 2002. It was very loosely structured and relied heavily on character comedy, long-running gags, and endless catchphrases. Corporate logo of the British Broadcasting Corporation The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) is the national public service broadcaster of the United Kingdom (see British television). ... This article needs to be cleaned up to conform to a higher standard of quality. ... 1994 (MCMXCIV) was a common year starting on Saturday of the Gregorian calendar, and was designated the International year of the Family. ... This article is about the year 2000. ... 1998 (MCMXCVIII) is a common year starting on Thursday of the Gregorian calendar, and was designated the International Year of the Ocean. ... Corporate logo of the British Broadcasting Corporation The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) is the national public service broadcaster of the United Kingdom (see British television). ... The original panel of Shooting Stars, left to right: Vic Reeves, Mark Lamarr, Bob Mortimer and Ulrika Jonsson Shooting Stars is a UK television comedy panel game broadcast on BBC TWO. Created by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, it is both a parody of the game show format, and an... 2002 (MMII) is a common year starting on Tuesday of the Gregorian calendar. ... This article needs to be cleaned up to conform to a higher standard of quality. ... A catch phrase is a phrase or expression that is popularized, usually through repeated use, by a real person or fictional character. ...

Many catchphrases from the programme have entered the vernacular in Britain, and many of the comedians have now become household names there: Paul Whitehouse, Charlie Higson, Simon Day, Mark Williams, John Thomson, Arabella Weir and Caroline Aherne. Paul Whitehouse (born 17 May 1959 in Cardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales) is a Welsh comedian and actor, well known for his work with Harry Enfield and as one of the stars of the popular BBC sketch show, The Fast Show. ... Charlie Higson (born, 1958) is a British television writer, actor, an author, and a comedy performer. ... Simon Day is a British comedian most famous for his roles in the sketch show The Fast Show, sitcom Grass and a series of comedic adverts for Powergen. ... Mark Williams as Arthur Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. ... John Thomson on HUWRH John Thomson (born in 1969 in Omagh, County Tyrone, Northern Ireland) is a Northern Irish actor. ... Arabella Weir is a British comedian, actress and writer famous for her role in The Fast Show and a number of books including Does My Bum Look Big In This? (a catchphrase of one of her characters in the show). ... Caroline Aherne (born December 24, 1963, Manchester, England) is an English comedienne. ...

The show has been released on video, DVD and audio CD. Look up Video in Wiktionary, the free dictionary Video is the technology of capturing, recording, processing, transmitting, and reconstructing moving pictures, typically using celluloid film, electronic signals, or digital media. ... DVD-R writing/reading side, based on Photo DVD.jpg. ... CD re-directs here; see Cd for other meanings of CD. Image of a compact disc (pencil included for scale) A compact disc (or CD) is an optical disc used to store digital data, originally developed for storing digital audio. ...

Characters

The show featured many memorable characters, they are listed here by performer.

Charlie Higson

• (with Arabella Weir:) Friendly but naked newlyweds.
• Colin Hunt, unfunny office practical joker.

Colin Hunt's office trolley, geddit? *whack*

Note: The writers claim Colin is based on those fans of comedy sketch shows who constantly repeat the catchphrases the next day. The name C. Hunt is also one character away from a common insult applied to such people.

• Johnny Nice Painter, who goes insane at the mention of the colour black.
• Geoffrey Norman MP, the Tory politician who denies everything.
• Swiss Toni, a car salesman who compares everything to making love to a beautiful woman.

Fitting a carpet is much like making love to a beautiful woman. You lay her out, pin her down and walk all over her.

Note: Went on to star in a show of his own.

Swiss Toni is a fictional car dealer played by Charlie Higson, and also the title of a sitcom in which he is the main character. ...

Paul Whitehouse

• Rowley Birkin QC, drunk old upper class man (presumably a retired barrister from the QC appellation in his name) tells mostly unintelligible stories at the fireside. Occasionally, his speech becomes intelligible for a short while, containing strange phrases such as "the whole thing was made completely out of rubber" or "Snakes! Snakes!".

... I'm afraid I was very, very drunk.

• Brilliant Kid, who walks through a series of peculiar backgrounds describing various things that he feels are 'brilliant' (which are often completely innocuous, everyday things).
• The hearty hiker. This is a character who thoroughly enjoys rambling. He once met a disturbed garage attendant and was chased down the road by said attendant, who was shouting: "STUCK DOWN A HOLE! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! WITH AN OWL!"
• The 13th Duke of Wybourne, posh, rumpled dinner jacketed, cigar smoker, finds himself in unsuitable places

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne, here? In a student nurses' halls of residence? With my reputation? What do they take me for?

• Archie the pub bore. Talks to people in the pub, and when they mention their profession, no matter what it is, he always claims to have had the same profession.

Hardest job in the world that... thirty years man and boy...

• Ron Manager, nonsense talking football pundit. Doesn't actually know very much about football.

It's a far cry from small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts. Isn't it? Mmmmm. Marvellous.

• Unlucky Alf, the lonely old pensioner for whom nothing ever goes right. Often heard to utter the phrase "Awww bugger!"
• The "monster" who terrorizes a young woman in her bed in the middle of the night with betting tips. His physical appearance is based on Nosferatu, his voice and catchphrase is taken from football agent Eric Hall.

Monster, monster!

• Chris the Crafty Cockney, claims to be an incurable kleptomaniac ("I'll nick anything me"). He is left alone with something valuable, and invariably steals it. Often says that he's "a little bit woah, a little bit wayyy, a little bit whooosh!"

Rowley Birkin QC is a fictional character played by the comedian Paul Whitehouse in the popular BBC sketch show The Fast Show. ... The term upper class refers to a group of people at the top of a social hierarchy. ... The 13th Duke of Wybourne is a fictional character played by the comedian Paul Whitehouse in the popular BBC sketch show The Fast Show. ... Wikipedia does not yet have an article with this exact name. ... Max Schreck as Count Orlok Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (A Symphony of Horrors in German) is a German Expressionist film originally shot in 1922 by F.W. Murnau. ...

Charlie Higson & Paul Whitehouse

• Bob Fleming (Higson), the host of Country Matters, who has an extremely bad cough, along with his friends; sneezing Clive Tucker; hiccupping Murtagh Blethyn; and, of course, Jed Thomas (Whitehouse), the man who can't stop saying "ARSE!".
• Ted & Ralph - country squire Lord Ralph Mayhew (Higson) attempts to strike up an intimate relationship with his estate worker Ted (Whitehouse).

Note: These two characters starred in their own made-for-TV movie Ted and Ralph in 1998, which starred Whitehouse, Higson and other Fast Show regulars. Whitehouse also put in a cameo appearance as Rowley Birkin QC.

• The Offroaders, Simon Bush (Higson) and Lyndsay Mottram (Whitehouse), filmed by their friend Baz while they try impressive extreme sports, but fail to hide the fact that they are disastrously hopeless at such pursuits.

Gripped, Sorted, Let's off-road, and after one less than successful venture into bushcraft, I am the mushroom god!

Bushcraft is, to a certain extent a version of what have always been called survival skills. ...

Mark Williams

• Jesse and his strange diets, fashion tastes and experiments.

This week, I have been mostly eating ... TARAMASALATA!

This week, I aren't been 'ungry.

This season, I shall be mostly wearing ... A THONG!

• 'You Ain't Seen Me, Right?' is scruffily dressed, and always appears in passing, pausing only to dispense his eponymous warning.
• 'I'll Get Me Coat' always says, wears or otherwise does something inappropriate for the social situation in which he finds himself. Shocked, other characters stare at him before he delivers his line and ends the sketch.
• Patrick Nice, a man who may or may not stumble into amazing circumstances on a regular basis, but remains very calm. Wins lottery twice in a row, and sees R.E.M. perform an impromptu concert at the ceremony where his son is awarded the Nobel Prize for chemistry.

...and I was rummaging around in the attic and I found the original copy of the Bible. Which was nice.

...and unfortunately I left my fingerprints all over the handle, so it looks like I'll be going down for the next 15 years. Which is a shame.

Simon Day

• Competitive Dad, who criticises his children for not being as good at something as he is.
• Dave Angel, Eco-Warrior, who's into saving the planet (with a somewhat dubious methodology), Mike Oldfield records, and swinging. A parody of a late-night magazine program presented by Mike Reid.
• Carl Hooper, Australian presenter of That's Amazing, a spoof on pop-science shows.
• Billy Bleach, pub know-it-all who gets it all wrong. (This character starred in his own series, 'Grass' which was shown on BBC Three.)
• John Actor, who plays Inspector Monkfish, the tough uncompromising cop.

Mike Oldfield on the album cover of Amarok (1990) Michael Gordon Oldfield (born May 15, 1953 in Reading, England) is a multi-instrumentalist musician and composer, working a style that blends rock or progressive rock, ethnic or world music, and classical music. ... Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle or simply the lifestyle (although this simplified term is also used by people into Leather and BDSM), includes a wide range of sexual activities conducted between three or more people. ... Mike Reid (born 1939) is a fast-talking, gravel-voiced British cockney comedian and character actor. ... BBC Three, the successor of the similar BBC Choice, is a British television channel from the BBC broadcasting only on digital cable, terrestrial and satellite. ...

Arabella Weir

• No Offence, a rude South African department store cosmetics sales woman.
• Insecure Woman, Does my bum look big in this?.

John Thompson

• Brilliant Kid's Father, who walks around moaning about everyday things that are 'rubbish', which seems to include everything and everybody except Des Lynam.
• Chip Cobb, the Deaf Stuntman, who mishears normal things as instructions to perform some dangerous stunt.
• Louis Balfour, presenter of Jazz Club (a very obvious parody of The Old Grey Whistle Test).

mmmmm, Nice!

• Professor Denzil Dexter of the University of Southern California and his various bizarre scientific experiments.

Des Lynam appearing in an ITV 1 ident. ... The Old Grey Whistle Test was an influential BBC television music show that ran from September 1971 until 1987. ... The University of Southern California (also known as USC, SC, and Southern California), Californias oldest private research university, is located in the urban center of Los Angeles, California. ...

Caroline Aherne

• Checkout Girl, who comments on every purchase.
• Janine Carr, teenage mum with a unique world outlook.
• Paola Fisch, weather presenter on "Chanel 9" (see Mixed performances below).

Jeff Harding

• Ed Winchester, an American TV presenter, presumably of travelogues, who only gets to introduce himself.

Hi, I'm Ed Winchester., except for the one episode in which he said "Hi! I'm Ed Winchester. And I'd like to take a moment of your time to talk to you about the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ..."

In one episode, someone else (Felix Dexter) actually introduced himself as Ed Winchester. He then followed with "No I'm not. I don't know why I just said that."

Another episode saw several other (presumably) American presenters follow Ed with similar introductions ("I'm Ramone Valentino..." ) before Ed squeezes in with "...and I'm Ed Winchester"

Felix Dexter is an actor, comedian, and writer. ...

Mixed performances

• Chanel 9, a Mediterranean television channel with low production values based on a combination of languages (but mostly Spanish).

Bono Estente, Hethethethethethe hethethethethethetheth, Sminki-pinki, Chris Waddle. Boutros Boutros Gali. Bono Estente is the standard greeting; Boutros Boutros Ghali is used as the goodbye.

Also on Chanel 9:

• Meterologicos (the weather forecast) presented by Paula Fisch (perhaps a reference to former weather presenter Michael Fish), played by Aherne; the weather is (almost) always the same everywhere: hot ("Scorchio!"). One occasion when the weather was "Cumulio" resulted in mourning from the whole channel; on another occasion a forecast of "cumulonimbus!" sparked urgent, excited investigative reportage.
• Advertisements for the 'Gizmo', an orange pump-action device (which is actually a plastic plumbing trap attached to the end of a squeeze mop). A number of these are advertised by bikini-clad women for a multitude of different purposes, in spite of the fact that the device is always exactly the same. Its features are described in terms of evocative phrases like "Novello proboscis - molto molto kinagrophos".
• Advertisements for cheesy peas.
• Disco Baby, Sexy Baby song performed by Higson dressed as a hairy overweight '70s disco star.

• Arthur Atkinson, parody of 1940s music hall entertainers such as Max Miller and Arthur Askey, played by Paul Whitehouse, introduced by Tommy Cockles (Simon Day), himself a parody of presenters of TV history.

How queer! Where's me washboard?

• Roy & Renée (Thompson & Aherne), endless chattering from Renée and her verbally challenged husband Roy.

What did I say Roy?

• Ken and Kenneth, the "Suit you!" tailors who bombard potential customers with innuendo-laden suggestions about their private life, (Whitehouse and Williams).
• The Patagonians, a group of South American musicians who seem to never be able to get further than a few seconds into a song before it degenerates into a tuneless shambles. They play in bizarre locations, and notable instruments they use are pan pipes, an acoustic guitar and maracas.

The Mediterranean Sea is an intercontinental sea positioned between Europe to the north, Africa to the south and Asia to the east, covering an approximate area of 2. ... Christopher Roland Waddle (born December 14, 1960) was a famous English footballer of the 1980s and 1990s. ... Boutros Boutros-Ghali CC (Arabic: بطرس بطرس غالي) (born November 14, 1922) is an Egyptian diplomat and the sixth Secretary-General of the United Nations from January 1992 to December 1996. ... Michael Fish (born April 27, 1944) was a weather forecaster, most known for his BBC television weather presentations, although he was actually employed by the Met Office. ... Cumulonimbus cloud in central Oklahoma. ... Trap door spider An old rabbit trap A trap is a device intended to cause harm, capture, detect, or inconvenience an intruder. ... Max Miller, the Cheeky Chappie, was a 1930s English music hall comedian famous for his daringly risqué (for the period) repertoire (see Censorship), and gaudy suits. ... Arthur Askey (June 6, 1900 - November 16, 1982) was a prominent British comedian. ...

Trivia

• A great favourite of Johnny Depp who appeared in a sketch with the "Suits You" tailors ("An American Gentleman") in The Last Fast Show Ever, screened in three parts over Christmas 2000 to end the show. Also, in a deleted scene on the "Pirates of the Caribbean" DVD, Depp uses the "I'll get me coat" catchphrase.
• Aherne starred in all three series, but did not appear in the final show The Last Fast Show Ever, presumably because of her commitment to the BBC sitcom The Royle Family.
• When the programme was shown on BBC America it was renamed 'Brilliant' to avoid confusion with an American programme of the same name.

Johnny Depp John Christopher Depp II, widely known as Johnny Depp (born June 9, 1963) is an American actor. ... A sitcom or situation comedy is a genre of comedy performance originally devised for radio but today typically found on television. ... The Royle Family was a popular BBC television situation comedy (sitcom) that ran for three series between 1998 and 2000. ... One of several BBC America idents, used since 2005. ...

Filming Locations

For a sketch show a significant proportion of The Fast Show was external shots. During the early series much of this filming was done around the Tees Valley & Yorkshire Dales area in the North-East of England. Some recognisable locations include: The Tees Valley is a distinct economic area in the North East of England; it consists of the five Unitary Authorities of Darlington, Hartlepool, Middlesbrough, Redcar & Cleveland, and Stockton-on-Tees. ... A village in the Yorkshire Dales The Yorkshire Dales lie in an area of high ground in North and West Yorkshire, England. ...

• Darlington - 'The Running Family' were shown around various locations in town centre, including The Cornmill Centre. Incidentally Darlington was the childhood home of Jim Moir (Vic Reeves) whose longterm comedy partner Bob Mortimer was one of the writers on The Fast Show.
• Richmond - The market place in Ted & Ralph's trip to the shops.
• Aske Hall - Background in early Ted & Ralph scenes
• Scotch Corner - Garage used in Swiss Toni's early scenes
• Middlesbrough - dock area used in 'hard of hearing stuntman' scenes, scene on Transporter Bridge.

Darlington is a town in the north-east of England. ... Vic Reeves in the mid 90s Vic Reeves (born James Roderick Moir January 24, 1959) is a British comedian, best known through his double act with Bob Mortimer. ... This article needs to be cleaned up to conform to a higher standard of quality. ... The town of Richmond as seen from the top of the keep of Richmond Castle Richmond is an attractive Georgian market town on the River Swale in North Yorkshire. ... Scotch Corner is an important junction of the A1 and A66 trunk roads. ... Map sources for Middlesbrough at grid reference NZ5118 Middlesbrough is a town and district in North-East England, with a resident population in 2001 of 134,855. ... Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge The Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge in Middlesbrough, England spans the River Tees. ...

External links

Wikiquote has a collection of quotations by or about:

The Fast Show

• www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/fastshow