The Dead Parrot Sketch is one of the most famous sketches from The Monty Python troupe in 1970. From left to right: Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, and Michael Palin. Monty Python, or The Pythons, were the creators and stars of Monty Pythons Flying Circus, a British television comedy series which first aired on October 5... Monty Python, a British TV series in the 1960s. It exists in several versions, the core of which is below. See Palin, Cleese and the dead parrot The Dead Parrot sketch (alternatively and originally known as the Pet Shop sketch) is a popular sketch from Monty Pythons Flying Circus. It portrays a confrontation between disgruntled customer Mr. Eric Praline (played by John Cleese), and a shopkeeper (Michael Palin), who hold... Dead Parrot for more background about the sketch.

Dead Parrot Sketch

• [A customer enters a pet shop]
• Customer [upper-class English accent]: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

[The owner does not respond.]

• C: Ello, Miss?
• Owner [Northern accent]: What do you mean "miss"?
• C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
• O: Sorry we're closin' for lunch.
• C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
• O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue. What's, uh... what's wrong with it?
• C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. He's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
• O: No, no, he's uh... he's resting.
• C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
• O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, in'it, eh? Bootiful plumage!
• C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
• O: No no no no, no, no! 'E's resting!
• C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
• [shouting at the cage] 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show... [owner hits the cage]
• O: There, he moved!
• C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
• O: I never!!
• C: Yes you did!
• O: I never, never did anything...
• C: [yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly] 'ELLO POLLY! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

[Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.]

• C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
• O: No, no.....No, he's stunned!
• C: STUNNED?!
• O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, mate.
• C: Now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
• O: Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords.
• C: PININ' for the FJORDS?! What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?
• O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable bird, innit, squire? Lovely plumage!
• C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

[pause]

• O: Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have muscled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM!
• C: "VOOM"?! Mate, this parrot wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
• O: No no! 'E's pining!
• C [ In musical notation, crescendo means that the notes are gradually getting louder. The opposite of crescendo is diminuendo or decrescendo. Maurice Ravels orchestral work, Boléro is the worlds longest musical crescendo. Beginning quietly, the melody repeats over and over again, gradually increasing in volume for about fifteen... crescendo ]: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet his maker! E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'is metabolic processes are of interest only to historians! E's off the twig! E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
• [pause]
• O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. [he takes a quick peek behind the counter]
• O: Sorry squire, I've had a look round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
• C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
• O: I got a slug.

[pause]

• C [sweetly]: Pray, does it talk?
• O: Not really.
• C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT THEN, IS IT?!