Hello my name Amit Sawhney and this is channel 4 news bringing you shocking news from the Great West Road LIVE...

Irinder Khakha (not to be confused with the Brazilian footballer)has just a few minutes ago had a interview with our correspondent, Nacho Vidal.

Amit: "Umm...Nacho, you have just spoken to Irinder, what does he say about the allegations that he was involved in a 500man gangbang in the middle of the night on July 18th?"

Nacho: "Well, ummm...has know you my englesh isn't gud...but Irinder has said that at moment his anus feel sore."

Amit: "Okay, thats understandable, I mean 500 c*ocks seems a bit much...was there any leakage at all?"

Nacho: "Yes, he has left trail from where the scene of alledged gangbang happened. He can't run or even walk fast, so he has walked bow-legged for last 10 minutes and is still in sight, saying he's going to joisy park."

Amit: "Isn't joisy park, where the mysterious purple smoke was released after a group of nrop (look at the word in the mirror) followers and bukkakkeeeee followers meet for a private burining session and chanting?"

Nacho: "Yes, thats right Amit, weren't you there?"

Amit: "Cough...No, I wasn't there, I think you have confused me for someone else. Do you know why he is going there?"

Nacho: "Hes meeting fellow members, Ishaq, aka 'Stubbie' and 'Si-DICK-me'. Also Navdeep, aka 'Bottomeless Nav' and 'The Deep'. Are to name a few. I fink they are meeting there to burn evidence of anal banging. I fink we will see purple smoke filling our skies tonight."

Amit: "Where are the police Nacho in this whole sharade, shoudn't they be doing something? I mean surely its illegal to film a 500man gangbang on the Great West Road?"

Nacho: "Yes you are right, but supposedly Irinder the evil mastermind has arranged simultaneuous gangbangs in 5 locations around Housnlow area." Crossways is another place hit where Ishaq and Gaurav have arranged a smaller gangbang, only involving 20 males. Other areas are, The Green, Osterley Park, Southall and of course the main target the Great West Road. Police are in chaos!"

Amit: "has any evidence been left behind except for the leakage trails?"

Nacho: "Yes, at all 5 locations mysterious glow sticks, found usually at techno clubs, have been found. All have same prints but of course as you know this is impossible, because all gangbangs happened at same time...Unless he mysteriously morphed to each location (LOL-just had to laugh at that bit) and banged one person and then morphed out. At the moment police cant release information about him, but mysterious morphing techno dancer is still at large....if u see any green glow sticks call the police."

Amit: "Ok, thank you Nacho, I think a bald chick just walked past wearing your bowling glove."

Nacho: "Where? What the fuck is that green light?"

END OF TRANSMISSION

Amit: "Well thats all we have at the moment, Irinder, has since been seen near joisy park and authourities are making their way to the park. As Irinder hasn't got any strength left, I suspect Irinder will we be caught and taken to prision. I suppose while in jail he wont have to worry about dropping the soap...heres Rocco with the weather..."

"This is Amit Sawhney signing off, good night, sleep tight, clench your butt cheecks or Irinder will bite!"