Many comedians and humour writers have made use of, or invented, units of measurement intended primarily for their humour value. They can be found on this page. This is a list of units invented primarily for their humour value, by sources that are notable for reasons other than having made the unit itself, or of humorous units that are very widely known in the anglophone world for their humour value.

Conventional

These units may or may not have precise objectively measurable values, but all of them measure quantities that have been defined within the S.I. system of units.

Length: Beard-second

One beard-second is the distance which a standard beard in a standard face grows in one second. By convention, a standard beard and face are such that 1 beard-second = 10^-8 m.

Length: Potrzebie

In the 1950s, Mad magazine presented its own system of weights and measures in Donald Knuth's first professionally published article "The Potrzebie System of Weights and Measures" (Mad Magazine #33, June 1957). The basic unit of this system was the potrzebie, which equals the thickness of Mad issue 26, or 2.263348517438173216473 mm. Year 1950 (MCML) was a common year starting on Sunday (link will display the full calendar) of the Gregorian calendar. ... Harvey Kurtzmans cover for the first issue of the comic book Mad Mad is an American humor magazine founded by publisher William Gaines and editor Harvey Kurtzman in 1952. ... Donald Ervin Knuth ( or Ka-NOOTH[1], Chinese: [2]) (b. ... Potrzebie is a seemingly nonsensical word (actually Polish), popularized by its use as a running gag in the early issues of Mad not long after the comic book began in 1952. ...

Length: Missy Elliott

In a series of short humorous articles by the Scottish writer James Docherty, the "Missy Elliot" measurement was used to describe the distance the artist would cover in particular situations.

For example, he described her in saying, "If you were to put 12,500 Missy Elliotts atop of each other, you could build a sustainable bridge to the moon." A "Missy Elliot" is about 5' 2" (the actual height of the artist), or 1 574.8 mm. If you were to get 12.2316919 miles of Missy Elliot, it would barely reach the outer atmosphere.

Length: Smoot

The smoot is a unit of length, defined as the height of Oliver R. Smoot who, fittingly, is a former president of the ISO. The unit is used to measure the length of the Harvard Bridge. Canonically, and originally, in 1958 when Smoot was a Lambda Chi Alpha pledge at MIT (class of 1962), the bridge was measured using Mr. Smoot himself as a ruler (his height being 67 inches or 170.18 cm^[1]), turning him end-over-end for the 364.4 (plus one ear) -smoot length of the bridge. The Google Earth software includes the smoot as a measurement unit. The Harvard Bridge, looking towards Boston The smoot is a nonstandard unit of length created as part of an MIT fraternity prank. ... Oliver Reed Smoot, Jr. ... “ISO” redirects here. ... The Harvard Bridge (also known locally as the MIT bridge or the Mass Ave bridge) is the longest bridge over the Charles River. ... Year 1958 (MCMLVIII) was a common year starting on Wednesday (link will display full calendar) of the Gregorian calendar. ... Mapúa Institute of Technology (MIT, MapúaTech or simply Mapúa) is a private, non-sectarian, Filipino tertiary institute located in Intramuros, Manila. ... Google Earth is a virtual globe program that was originally called Earth Viewer and was created by Keyhole, Inc. ...

Length: Sheppey

A measure of distance equal to about 7/8 of a mile, defined as the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque. Species See text. ...

The Sheppey is the creation of Douglas Adams and John Lloyd, included in The Meaning of Liff, their dictionary of objects for which no name exists. It is named after the Isle of Sheppey in the UK. Douglas Noël Adams (11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001) was an English author, comic radio dramatist, and musician. ... There have been several notable individuals with the name John Lloyd. ... Front cover of the US hardcover edition of The Meaning of Liff, 1984. ... View towards Minster from Elmley Marshes The Isle of Sheppey is a small (36 square miles, 94 km²) island off the northern coast of Kent, England in the Thames Estuary, some 38 miles (62km) to the east of central London. ...

Cubic Volume: Barn-megaparsec

This unit is similar in concept to the attoparsec, combining very large and small scales. A barn (b) is a unit of cross-sectional area used in nuclear physics, equal to 10^-28 m². The "physical cross-section area" of the nucleus of an atom is approximately 1 barn —a very small unit of area (itself humorously named after the proverbial "broad side of a barn"). When this is multiplied by the megaparsec (Mpc) - a very large unit of length - the result is a human-scaled unit of volume approximately equal to 2/3 of a teaspoon (about 3 ml). A barn (symbol b) is a unit of area. ... A square metre (US spelling: square meter) is by definition the area enclosed by a square with sides each 1 metre long. ... Image:Teaspoon sugar. ...

Cubic Volume: Bottlesworth

This unit is approximately equal to a standard bottle of Champagne (0.75 litres), and is designed to allow the use of wine in scientific experiments in the science comedy Look Around You. This article does not cite any references or sources. ... It has been suggested that Blanc de noirs be merged into this article or section. ... Look Around You is a BBC television comedy series devised and written by Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz, and, in the first series only, narrated by Nigel Lambert. ...

Power: Donkeypower

This facetious engineering unit is defined as about a third of a horsepower (i.e., 250 watts).^[2] This article is about a unit of measurement. ... For other uses, see Watt (disambiguation). ...

Acoustic volume: phon

The unit of perceived loudness, phon, is sometimes also called as phone. This has led to puns such as One megaphone equals 10¹² microphones. While the phon is a real unit, this intentional misspelling, phone, exists solely for the humour value. Fig. ... For other uses, see Pun (disambiguation). ... A megaphone, with a three-inch lighter to scale. ... “Microphones” redirects here. ...

Unconventional

These units describe dimensions which are not and can not be covered by the S.I system of units.

Evil: Kilonazi

Used in Rich Burlew's webcomic The Order of the Stick, a kilonazi is an approximate of how evil someone is, with a hypothetical offspring of Cruella de Vil and Sauron serving as a baseline of about 5 kilonazis. Belkar Bitterleaf is said to currently be 0.5 kilonazis, though if it hadn't been for Roy Greenhilt's influence, it is thought that he would be somewhere around 8. This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Wikipedias deletion policy. ... The Order of the Stick, nicknamed OotS, is a comedic fantasy webcomic based on pencil and paper roleplaying games, particularly Dungeons and Dragons, and its accompanying system, D20 . ... Not to be confused with Cruella de Ville, a short-lived 1980s progressive-rock band. ... For other uses, see Sauron (disambiguation). ... Belkar Bitterleaf is a major character in the webcomic The Order of the Stick, written by Rich Burlew. ... Roy Greenhilt is a major character in the webcomic, The Order of the Stick, written by Rich Burlew. ...

Rate of speech: The Millirubbia (mR)

A millirubbia is a unit of speaking rate, usually applied during a technical talk, derived from Carlo Rubbia, Nobel laureate in physics 1984, who always spoke at 1 R. A normal person spewing forth data at break-neck speed may do perhaps 100 mR. ^{[citation needed]} Carlo Rubbia (born March 31, 1934) is an Italian physicist. ...

Bogosity: The Lenat

The unit of bogosity, derived from the fictional field of Quantum Bogodynamics, the lenat is seldom used, as it is understood that it is too large for normal conversation. Its most common form is the microlenat.^[3] Quantum bogodynamics is a humorous theory that characterises the universe in terms of sources of fictional fundamental particles, bogons. ...

Smell: The Hobo Power

Hobo Power is a unit coined by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew on the radio show Loveline as a measure of how bad something smells. Some noted reference points include: Adam Carolla (b. ... David Drew Pinsky (born September 4, 1958[1]), popularly known as Dr. Drew, is an American board-certified internist and Addiction Medicine specialist. ... Loveline is a syndicated radio call-in program in the United States, Canada and Mexico, offering medical and relationship advice to listeners, often with the assistance of guests, including actors and members of popular bands. ...

• 0 hobo — Doesn't smell bad at all
• 13 hobo - "A robust fart"
• 50 hobo — The smeller must vomit. Carolla also suggested the hypothetical: "50 hobo power is a cat that's been fed nothing but blue cheese for a week defecating on a white-hot hibachi."
• 100 hobo — Purely theoretical (comparable to absolute zero). Near 100 hobo would cause death by asphyxiation.

A running section of The Adam Carolla Show involves callers relating foul-smelling situations for which the hosts then determine the equivalent Hobo Power. This article is about the word fart itself. ... Cabrales bleu Cheese Blue cheese, known in French as bleu (blue), is a general classification of cows milk, sheeps milk, or goats milk cheeses that has had Penicillium cultures added so that the final product is spotted or veined throughout with blue or blue-green mold. ... As the temperature decreases, the peak of the black body radiation curve moves to lower intensities and longer wavelengths. ... The hibachi (Japanese: 火鉢, literally fire bowl) is a traditional Japanese heating device. ... Absolute zero is the lowest possible temperature where nothing could be colder, and no heat energy remains in a substance. ... The Adam Carolla Show is a syndicated morning radio program, which began airing on January 3, 2006. ...

Magical Energy: Thaum

The Thaum is a measuring unit used in the Terry Pratchett series of Discworld novels to quantify magic. It equals the amount of mystical energy required to conjure up one small white pigeon, or three normal-sized billiard balls. It can, of course, be measured with a thaumometer, and regular SI-modifiers apply (e.g. millithaum, kilothaum). ^[4]

A thaumometer looks like a black cube with a dial on one side. A standard one is good for up to a million thaums - if there is more magic than that around, measuring it is not going to do any good.

Seating comfort: The Pinkwater

A notional unit of seating comfort; it can be used to describe both the width of a seat, or the width of a seat which a person needs to be comfortable in. Named for writer and book reviewer Daniel Pinkwater, it was coined by 'Click and Clack', the hosts of the Car Talk radio show. Reputedly, a 1.0 pinkwater seat would be pretty comfortable - most car seats are 0.7 pinkwaters. There was also some discussion of using the pinkwater as a measure of acoustic range - defined by the chord produced by a 1.0 pinkwater person sitting on a piano keyboard. ^{[citation needed]} Daniel Manus Pinkwater (b. ... Car Talk is a radio talk show broadcast weekly on National Public Radio stations throughout the United States and elsewhere. ...

Beauty: The Helen

Helen of Troy (from the Iliad) is widely known as "the face that launched a thousand ships." Thus, 1 millihelen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship. Helen was the wife of Menelaus and reputed to be the most beautiful woman in the world, and her abduction by Paris brought about the Trojan War. ... title page of the Rihel edition of ca. ... // For beauty as a characteristic of a persons appearance, see Physical attractiveness. ...

According to The Rebel Angels, a novel by Robertson Davies, this system was invented by Cambridge mathematician W.A.H. Rushton. However, the term was possibly first suggested by Isaac Asimov.^[5] The obvious reference is Marlowe's line from the play The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, "Was this the face that launched a thousand ships...?" ^[6] The Rebel Angels is one of Canadian author Robertson Davies most noted novels, after his Deptford Trilogy. ... William Robertson Davies, CC, FRSC, FRSL (born August 28, 1913, at Thamesville, Ontario, and died December 2, 1995 at Orangeville, Ontario) was a Canadian novelist, playwright, critic, journalist, and professor. ... William A. H. Rushton (b. ... Isaac Asimov (January 2?, 1920?[1] – April 6, 1992), IPA: , originally Исаак Озимов but now transcribed into Russian as Айзек Азимов) was a Russian-born American Jewish author and professor of biochemistry, a highly successful and exceptionally prolific writer best known for his works of science fiction and for his popular science books. ... This article is about the English dramatist. ... The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus is a play by Christopher Marlowe, based on the Faust story (Faustus is Latin for Faust), in which a man sells his soul to the devil for power and knowledge. ...

Negative values have also been observed—these, of course, are measured by the number of ships sunk or the number of clocks stopped. An alternative interpretation of 1 negative Helen is the amount of negative beauty (i.e. ugliness) that can launch one thousand ships the other way.

Incompetence: The Pikotuki

Equal to 1/1000 of a nanotuki, or 0.0288 seconds of competent systems support. Likewise originally an inside joke at Nokia Research Center; pikotukihenkilö means "grossly incompetent person assigned in systems support". Also equal to one millionth of a mikrotuki, and used to describe work done by a grossly incompetent work force. ^{[citation needed]} This article is about the telecommunications corporation. ...

Coolness: MegaFonzie

A MegaFonzie is a fictional unit of measurement of an object's coolness invented by Professor Farnsworth in the Futurama episode, Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV. A 'Fonzie' is about the amount of coolness inherent in the Happy Days character Fonzie. Information Gender Male Age 17 (in 1956) Date of birth 1939 Date of death Unknown (still alive as of 1965) Occupation Part Owner of Arnolds Restaurant (1956-) Family Chachi Arcola (cousin) Episode count 255 (Happy Days) 4 (Laverne & Shirley) 1 (Mork & Mindy) 1 (Joanie Loves Chachi) Portrayed by Henry... Professor Hubert Farnsworth Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth is the extremely elderly proprietor of the Planet Express delivery service in the animated television series Futurama. ... This article is about the television series. ... ‹ The template below (Unreferenced episode) has been proposed for deletion. ... Happy Days is a popular American television sitcom that originally aired between 1974 and 1984 on the ABC television network. ... Information Gender Male Age 17 (in 1956) Date of birth 1939 Date of death Unknown (still alive as of 1965) Occupation Part Owner of Arnolds Restaurant (1956-) Family Chachi Arcola (cousin) Episode count 255 (Happy Days) 4 (Laverne & Shirley) 1 (Mork & Mindy) 1 (Joanie Loves Chachi) Portrayed by Henry...

Pleasure: The Hedon

Happiness: The Happy

The unit of happiness, coined by Dave Gorman in his television series Dave Gorman's Important Astrology Experiment. One happy is equal to how much happier you feel if someone gives you a pound coin, which is supposed to be equivalent to how much less happy they feel upon relinquishing it. However, this definition seems to fall foul of the law of diminishing marginal utility, which states that the more you have, the less you benefit from having even more. In other words, a penniless beggar will gain appreciably from being given a pound, whereas to a millionaire, the donation is trivial. Some might also point out that calling this unit "happy" is totally unnecessary, as it could be as well called "pound". ^{[citation needed]} David James Gorman (born March 2, 1971) is a documentary comedian and humorist. ... David James Gorman (born March 2, 1971) is a documentary comedian and humorist. ... In economics, marginal utility is the additional utility (satisfaction or benefit) that a consumer derives from an additional unit of a commodity or service. ... Beggars in Samarkand, 1905 Begging includes the various methods used by persons to obtain money, food, shelter, or other necessities from people they encounter during the course of their travels. ... For other uses, see Millionaire (disambiguation). ...

Happiness: Puppy

Lucy van Pelt is credited in the Peanuts to have discovered the axiom happiness is a warm puppy. The proposed SI unit of happiness, puppy, is derivable as the quantity of happiness which one 1 kilogram beagle puppy whose body temperature is 310 kelvins produces when held in skin contact for one second. ^{[citation needed]} Book cover Lucy van Pelt is a character in the syndicated comic strip Peanuts, written and drawn by Charles Schulz. ... For other uses, see Peanut (disambiguation). ... This article is about a logical statement. ... The International System of Units (symbol: SI) (for the French phrase Système International dUnités) is the most widely used system of units. ... “Kg” redirects here. ... This article is about the dog breed. ... The kelvin (symbol: K) is the SI unit of temperature, and is one of the seven SI base units. ... Look up second in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ...

References

1. ^ smoot. The Jargon File (version 4.4.7). Retrieved on 2006-06-27.
2. ^ Rowlett's Dictionary of Units. Retrieved on 2006-11-08.
3. ^ The Original Hacker's Dictionary. Retrieved on 2006-11-08.
4. ^ Prachett, Terry (1998). The Last Continent. Doubleday London. ISBN ISBN 0-385-40989-3. 
5. ^ Isaac Asimov
6. ^ http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext97/drfsta10.txt

Year 2006 (MMVI) was a common year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar. ... is the 178th day of the year (179th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. ... Year 2006 (MMVI) was a common year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar. ... is the 312th day of the year (313th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. ... Year 2006 (MMVI) was a common year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar. ... is the 312th day of the year (313th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. ...

See also

• Units of measurement
• Systems of measurement
• History of measurement
• List of strange units of measurement