Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (published in May 1992) is a book by John Gray offering many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite sex. John Gray (born in Houston, Texas, in 1951) writes on the fields of relationships and personal growth and is best known as the author of several pop psychology books offering relationship advice. ...

The book, as suggested by the title, asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets. ^[1] Gray adopts this metaphor as the central theme of all his books and seminars, likening men and women to the classical Greek god Mars and goddess Venus as ideal types. Note: This article contains special characters. ... Adjective Venusian or (rarely) Cytherean (*min temperature refers to cloud tops only) Atmospheric characteristics Atmospheric pressure 9. ... Ideal type, also known as pure type, or idealtyp (in the original German), is a typological term invented by sociologist Max Weber (1864-1920). ...

In contrast to some psychologists (and feminists) who emphasize similarities between the sexes, Gray writes almost exclusively about differences. Gray briefly mentions the fact that his "Martians" and "Venusians" are only stereotypes and cannot be applied blindly to individuals.

Gray acknowledges that the "Mars-Venusian" split is merely a generalization that cannot apply to all men and women, but this is easily overlooked because the book focuses on differences. Where sex differences exist, there is often considerable overlap between the sexes. ^{[2] [3]}

An example of the theories it offers is that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions. Other concepts in the book are the difference between women and men's point systems and how they react under stress.

Communication styles

According to Gray, a woman relieves stress by talking about it, which the man may interpret as an accusation or request for a solution. In terms of woman (or Venusian language) it is just sharing a problem which she wants to be acknowledged. The man on the other hand has a basic instinct to give a solution because Martians (that is, men) do not discuss a problem unless they want a solution.

This can become a bone of contention between a husband and wife because he jumps in with his answer and she interprets this as an undue interruption and makes her feel as if she's not being listened to. The author suggests that this conflict can be avoided if the man understands this situation and silently listens rather than offer a solution. Once she has been heard she will become de-stressed and normalized.

On the other hand, just listening to a man will be similarly frustrating for him, because he's asking for your advice, not your sympathy. The woman needs to understand this and offer practical advice rather than just being sympathetic.

Point system

Gray suggests that while a man might count a $200 item as 20 points and a $10 item as 1 point, women count each item as 1 point. The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks he has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly.

The cave and the wave

Another major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or craft room.

On the other hand, he believes that women want to discuss problems when they occur. This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman constantly tries to grow closer. This becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.

As one reviewer put it:

When men go into their cave, they are actually going through a phase of their relationship with a woman, when they want to be left alone. Any woman who has wondered why a boyfriend is not e mailing/calling/messaging/meeting her will know what it feels like to be shut out of the cave. Women and 'the wave' is a concept [which] means that women go through periodic phases when they are unable to keep up their spirits without help and assistance from understanding men. At such times, 'the wave' crashes, and it needs to be given love and reassurance to rise up again with its usual confidence. [1]

Critical response

Some researchers agree with Gray's ideas about male-female communications differences. Deborah Tannen's studies of male/female communication find that "for women, talk creates intimacy... But men live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status." ^[4]. However, other studies do not find such differences. Erina MacGeorge found only a 2 percent difference between communication styles and argues that "when it comes to comforting, the Mars-Venus concept is not only wrong, but harmful. For the most part, men and women use, and strongly prefer, the same ways of comforting others – listening, sympathizing and giving thoughtful advice."^[5] Deborah Tannen Deborah Frances Tannen (born June 7, 1945) is an American professor of sociolinguistics at Georgetown University. ...

Some feminists have criticized the book for being misogynistic, while others accuse it of being written as a 'self-improvement' book for women, blatantly suggesting that women should adapt to men's ways of communicating, rather than both genders co-operating. Susan Hamson's web site "The Rebuttal From Uranus" says: Misogyny is an exaggerated pathological aversion towards women. ...

Despite its promotional hype, at its very core it is a sexist, patronizing, male-centered invective which does little more than perpetuate long-held negative gender stereotypes

Hamson objects to the lack of reference and details about the research Gray claims to have made, as well as to two central points which she feels Gray makes in his book:

• "that men fulfill active roles and are seen as ambitious and powerful. Women, however, satisfy passive roles"; and,
• "although the author may grudgingly admit that women are cognizant human beings, they must necessarily take a back seat to the dominant male in their lives in order to routinely accommodate his wants and desires." ^[6]

Other commentators have praised the book for its accessible style and its practical advice on dealing with communication and relationships. For example, John Grohol describes it as “a concise, direct book which gives everyone who reads it down-to-earth advice about what to do to improve your relationship, and how to improve its quality.” ^[7]

Trivia

• Tom and Ray Magliozzi, the Car Talk guys spoofed the title of this book on their comedy album Men are from GM, Women are from Ford.

• The band Men From Earth deliberately spoofed the title of this famous book when choosing their name. In similar way, one man a cappella rock band Paska named its debut album Women Are From Venus, Men From Anus.

• John Gray appeared on Season 1, Episode 9 of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! which covered the self-help industry.

• The book was the basis for a 1999 CD-ROM which featured author John Gray and a 2000 television talk show hosted by Cybill Shepherd which lasted one season.

• Gray adapted Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus as musical romantic comedy; it was performed (premiered?) at Broadway's Gerschwin Theater from January 27-Feb 2, 1997, and later at the Flamigo Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, in 2001.

Car Talk is a radio talk show broadcast weekly on National Public Radio stations throughout the United States and elsewhere. ... A cappella music is vocal music or singing without instrumental accompaniment, or a piece intended to be performed in this way. ... Paska is a Finnish one man a cappella rock band formed in 1985. ... Women Are from Venus, Men from Anus is the debut album and come back album by Paska. ... Penn (left) & Teller Penn & Teller are an illusionist and comedy duo from the United States. ... This article is about the TV show. ... Cybill Lynne Shepherd Cybill Lynne Shepherd (born February 18, 1950 in Memphis, Tennessee) is an American actress and singer, best known as the character Maddie Hayes on the groundbreaking ABC show Moonlighting. // Early success Named after her Grandfather Cy and Father Bill, at age sixteen Cybill Shepherd won the 1966...

See also

• Difference feminism
• Feminism
• Gender differences

Difference feminism is a branch of feminism that stresses that men and women are essentially very different beings, instead of past feminisms of equality that stress a fundamental sameness between men and women in some way. ... Feminism is a collection of social theories, political movements and moral philosophies, largely motivated by or concerned with the liberation of women. ... A gender difference is a disparity between male and female humans. ...

Notes

External links

• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
• Rebuttal from Uranus

good book........