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Russian jokes (Russian: анекдо́ты, transcribed anekdoty), the most popular form of Russian humour, are short fictional stories or dialogues with a punch line. Image File history File links This is a lossless scalable vector image. ... A joke is a short story or series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of causing laughter or being found humorous by either listener/reader or performer/writer. ... Transcription is the conversion into written, typewritten or printed form, of a spoken language source, such as the proceedings of a court hearing. ... A punch line is the final part of a joke, usually the word, sentence or exchange of sentences which is intended to be funny and to provoke laughter from listeners. ...

Russian joke culture features a series of categories with fixed and highly familiar settings and characters. Surprising effects are achieved by an endless variety of plots. Russians love jokes on topics found everywhere in the world, be it sex, politics, spouse relations, or mothers-in-law. This article discusses Russian joke subjects that are peculiar to Russian or Soviet culture. This article or section does not cite its references or sources. ... The Politics series Politics Portal This box:      Politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions. ... Although humour and jokes about ones mother-in-law (the mother of ones spouse) are nowadays considered politically incorrect, they were once the mainstay of British comedians such as Les Dawson and Jim Davidson. ... Soviet redirects here. ...

Every category has a host of hopelessly untranslatable jokes that rely on linguistic puns, wordplay, and Russian's rich vocabulary of foul language. Below, (L) marks jokes whose humor value critically depends on untranslatable features of the Russian language.

A huge category is Russian political jokes. Russian political jokes (or, rather, Russophone political jokes) are a part of Russian humour and can be naturally grouped into the major time periods: Imperial Russia, Soviet Union (Soviet Russia), and finally post-Soviet Russia. ...

Archetypes

Named characters

Standartenführer Stirlitz

Vyacheslav Tikhonov as Stirlitz

Standartenführer Stirlitz, alias Colonel Isayev is a character from the Soviet TV series “Seventeen Moments of Spring” (“Семнадцать мгновений весны”, based on a novel by Yulian Semyonov) played by the popular actor Vyacheslav Tikhonov about a fictional Soviet intelligence officer who infiltrates Nazi Germany. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Walther Schellenberg, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann, Heinrich Müller. In the jokes he interacts with them as well as with fictional female radio operator Kat, pastor Schlagg, professor Pleischner and other characters in the series. Usually two-liners spoofing the solemn style of the original voice-overs, the plot is resolved in grotesque plays on words or in dumb parodies of overly-smart narrow escapes and superlogical trains of thought of the "original" Stirlitz. stirlitz This work is copyrighted. ... stirlitz This work is copyrighted. ... Vyacheslav Tikhonov (February 8, 1928) is a famous Soviet actor, a recipient of numerous state awards. ... SS-Standartenführer insignia Standartenführer was a Nazi Party paramilitary rank that was used in both the SA and the SS. First created as a title in 1925, in 1928 the rank became one of the first commissioned Nazi ranks and was bestowed upon those SA and SS officers... This article or section does not adequately cite its references or sources. ... This article or section needs copy editing for grammar, style, cohesion, tone and/or spelling. ... Seventeen Moments of Spring (1973) (Семнадцать мгновений весны in Russian), also Seventeen Instants of Spring is a Soviet TV miniseries. ... Yulian Semyonov (Юлиа́н Семёнович Семёнов) (October 8, 1931 - September 5, 1993) was a Russian writer of spy fiction. ... Vyacheslav Tikhonov (February 8, 1928) is a famous Soviet actor, a recipient of numerous state awards. ... An intelligence officer is a person employed by an organisation to collect, compile and analyse information (known as intelligence) which is of use to that organisation. ... National Socialism redirects here. ... Correctly: Walther Schellenberg (January 16, 1910-March 21, 1952) was a German Nazi and second-in-command of the Gestapo. ... Ernst Kaltenbrunner (October 4, 1903 – October 16, 1946) was a senior Nazi official during World War II. He was the highest ranking SS leader to face trial. ... Martin Bormann Martin Bormann (June 17, 1900 - c. ... Heinrich Müller Heinrich Müller (born 28 April 1900; date of death unknown), German police official, was head of the Gestapo, the political police of Nazi Germany, and played a leading role in the planning and execution of the Holocaust. ... Literary technique; puns: word play Rock and Roll Band (1980s) : Play on Words (rock band) This is a disambiguation page, a list of pages that otherwise might share the same title. ...

• The words "Stirlitz is a moron!" were chalked on the wall of the Reichschancellery. The entire Nazi party snickered about it; only Stirlitz knew its true meaning: he had been awarded the title of Hero of the Soviet Union.
• Stirlitz was walking through the forest when he saw two eyes staring at him in the darkness. "An owl," thought Stirlitz. "You're an owl yourself!" thought Müller.
• Stirlitz opened a door. The lights went on. Stirlitz closed the door. The lights went out. Stirlitz opened the door again. The light went back on. Stirlitz closed the door. The light went out again. "It's a fridge," concluded Stirlitz.
• Stirlitz wakes up to find out he has been arrested. "Who got me? Which name should I use?" - he wonders. - "Let's see. If they wear black uniforms, I'll say I'm Standartenführer Stirlitz. If they wear green uniforms, I'm Colonel Isayev". The door opens and a policeman in a blue uniform comes in saying: "You really should ease up on the vodka, Comrade Tikhonov!"
• Stirlitz had a thought. He liked it, so he had another one.

Exterior view of the entrance of the New Reich Chancellery. ... Hero of the Soviet Union (Russian: Герой Советского Союза, Geroy Sovyetskovo Soyuza) was the highest honorary title and the superior degree of distinction of the Soviet Union. ... Vyacheslav Tikhonov (February 8, 1928) is a famous Soviet actor, a recipient of numerous state awards. ...

Poruchik Rzhevsky

Poruchik (lieutenant) Rzhevsky is a cavalry (hussar) officer. In the aristocratic setting of high-society balls and 19th century social sophistication, Rzhevsky, famous for brisk but not very smart remarks, keeps ridiculing the decorum with his vulgarities. In the jokes, he's often seen interacting with characters from the novel War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. The name is borrowed from a character from a popular 1960s comedy, Hussar Ballad (Russian - "Гусарская баллада"), bearing little in common with the folklore hero. There is a number of common setings. Poruchik (Russian: ) was a military rank in the Russian Empire time, equivalent to Lieutenant. ... Rzhev (Russian: ) is the uppermost town situated on the Volga River. ... A British Hussar from the Crimean War Hussar (original Hungarian spelling: huszár, plural huszárok, Polish: Husaria) refers to a number of types of cavalry used throughout Europe since the 15th century. ... War and Peace (Russian: Voyna i mir; in original orthography: Война и миръ) is a novel by Leo Tolstoy, first published from 1865 to 1869 in Russki Vestnik, which tells the story of Russian society during the Napoleonic Era. ... Count Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy(Lyof, Lyoff) (September 9 [O.S. August 28] 1828 – November 20 [O.S. November 7] 1910) (Russian: , IPA:  ), commonly referred to in English as Leo Tolstoy, was a Russian writer – novelist, essayist, dramatist and philosopher – as well as pacifist Christian anarchist and educational reformer. ... A 1962 poster for the Hussar Ballad. ...

• Rzhevsky's (and supposedly all hussar's) nonchalant attitude to love and sex.
  • Kniaz Andrei Bolkonski asks Poruchik Rzhevsky: "Tell me, Poruchik, how did you come to be so good with the ladies? What is your secret?" - "It's quite simplement, mon Prince, quite simplement. I just come over and say: 'Hey, wanna fuck?'" - "But Poruchik, you'll get slapped in the face for that!" - "Oui, most of them slap, but some of them fuck!"
  • Poruchik Rzhevsky is putting his riding boots on and is about to take leave of a charming demoiselle he had met the previous evening. "Mon cher Poruchik," intones the siren, "are you not forgetting about the money?" Rzhevsky turns to her and says proudly: "Hussars never take money!" — The latter expession (Gusary deneg ne berut!) has become a Russian catch phrase^[1]

• A series of jokes in which Rzhevsky wants to surprize the high society with a witticism, but messes up.
  • Poruchik Rzhevsky asks his aide: "Stepan, there is a grand ball tonight. Got any new puns for me to tell there?" — "Sure, sir, how about this rhyme: 'Adam had Eve... right on the eve... of their very last day in the Eden...'" — "That's a good one!". Later, at the ball: "Messieurs, messieurs! My Stepan taught me a funny chanson ridicule: 'Adam boinked Eve at dawn...' Pardon, not like that... 'Adam and Eve boinked through the night ...' Er... Hell, basically they boinked, but it was absolutement splendid in the verse!"

• A series of jokes is based on a paradox of vulgarity within the "high society" setting.
  • Natasha Rostova has her first ball and dances with Pierre Bezukhov: "Pierre, isn't that grease on your collar?"/"Oh my, how could I miss such a terrible flaw in my costume, I'm totally destroyed" ) (walks away). Then she dances with Kniaz Bolkonsky: "Andrew, isn't there a dip of sauce on your tunic?"/ (Bolkonsky faints). Finally she's dancing with Rzhevsky: "Poruchik, your boots are all covered in mud!"/"It's not mud, it's shit. Don't worry, mademoiselle, it'll fall off once it dries up."

• While successive narration of quite a few Russian jokes heavily depends on the usage of sexual vulgarities ("Russian mat"), Rzhevsky, with all his vulgarity does not use really heavy mat. One of his most favorite words is arse (which is considered rather mild among Russian vulgarities), and there is a series of jokes where Rzhevsky answers "arse" to some innocent question.
  • Poruchik Rzevsky and Natasha Rostova are riding horseback countryside. "Poruchik, what a beautiful meadow! Guess what I see there?" — "Arse, mademoiselle?" — "Ouch, poruchik! I see chamomiles!" (Chamomiles are Russian cliche folk flowers) — "How romantic, mademoiselle! An arse amid chamomiles!.."

The essence of this Rzhevsky's peculiarity is captured in the following meta-joke.

• Rzevsky narrates his latest adventure to his hussar comrades. "...So I am riding through this dark wood and suddenly see a wide, white..." — Hussars encore: "...arse!" — "Of course not! A glade full of chamomiles! And right in the middle there is a beautiful white..." — Hussars encore: "...arse!" — "How vulgar of you! A mansion! So I open the door and guess what I see?" — Hussars, encore: "An arse!" — Poruchik, genuinely surprized: "How did you guess? Did I tell this story before?"

This topic is culminated in the following joke, sometimes called "the ultimate hussar joke".

• Countess Maria Bolkonskaya celebrates her 50th anniversary, the whole local hussal regiment is invited and countess boasts about her presents. "Cornet Obolensky presented me a lovely set of 50 Chinese fragrant candles. I loved them so much that I immediately stuck them into 7 seven-branch candlesticks you see on the table. Quite fortunate numbers! Unfortunately there is one candle left, and I don't know where to stick it..." — The whole hussar regiment takes a deep breath... And the hussar colonel barks out: "Hussars, not a word!!!" (The gist of the joke is that every Russian adult male knows what hussars wanted to say: "Stick it into your arse!")

Kniaz’ or knyaz (князь in Russian and Ukrainian; cneaz in Romanian fem. ... War and Peace (Russian: Война и мир, Vojna i mir; in original orthography: Война и миръ, Vojna i mir) is an epic novel by Leo Tolstoy, first published from 1865 to 1869 in Russki Vestnik, which tells the story of Russian society during the Napoleonic Era. ... Riding boots are boots made to be used for horseback riding. ... Polish Hussar Hussar (original Hungarian spelling: huszár, plural huszárok) refers to a number of types of cavalry used throughout Europe since the 15th century. ... A catch phrase is a phrase or expression that is popularized, usually through repeated use, by a real person or fictional character. ... Audrey Hepburn as Natasha Rostova. ... Sergei Bondarchuk as Pierre Bezukhov in War and Peace Count Pierre Bezukhov (Russian: ) is a central fictional character in Leo Tolstoys novel War and Peace. ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... Arse is an English term referring to the buttocks, first recorded circa 1400 (in arce-hoole) and is commonly used in English speaking countries such as the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand, and former parts of the British Empire. ... Chamomile flowers The name Chamomile or Camomile is ambiguous and can refer to several distinct species. ... Clich (from French, imitative) refers to: an overused phrase or expression, or the idea expressed by it; a situation, theme or characterization which has become common; a thing (as a style of clothing) that has become overly familiar or commonplace. ... Meta-joke may refer to three somewhat different, but related categories: self-referring jokes, jokes about jokes (see meta-) also known as metahumor, and joke templates. // Self-referential jokes This kind of meta-joke is a joke in which the joke itself, or, rather, a certain category of joke, is... The rocky area in this picture is an example of a glade A glade is an open area within a woodland. ... Marya Marie Bolkoskaya (born in 1789) is a character in Leo Tolstoys War and Peace. ... British regiment A regiment is a military unit, consisting of a variable number of battalions - commanded by a colonel. ... Cornet was the third and lowest grade of commissioned officer in a British cavalry troop, after the Captain and Lieutenant. ... Obolensky (Russian: ) is the name of a princely Russian family of Rurikid stock. ... Votive candle being lit at a cathedral in Brussels Votive candles before a statue of the Virgin Mary A votive candle is a small, typically white or beeswax yellow, candle, originally intended to be burnt as a votive offering in a religious ceremony. ... This article should be split into multiple articles accessible from a disambiguation page. ...

Rabinovich

Rabinovich, is an archetypal Russian Jew. He is a crafty type, hates the Soviet government, often too smart for his own good and is sometimes portrayed as an otkaznik (refusenik): someone who is refused permission to emigrate to Israel. Rabinovich is a russian jewish last name, originating from an old-russian phrase meaning son of rabbi. Categories: Stubs ... The vast territories of the Russian Empire at one time hosted the largest Jewish population in the world. ...

• Rabinovich fills out a job application form. The official is skeptical: "You stated that you don't have any relatives abroad, but you do have a brother in Israel." / "Yes but he isn't abroad, I am abroad!"

• Seeing a pompous and lavish burial of a member of the Politburo, Rabinovich sadly shakes his head: "What a waste! I could have buried the whole Politburo with this kind of money!"

• Rabinovich calls Pamyat headquarters, speaking with a characteristic accent: "Tell me, is it true that Jews sold Russia?"/ "Yes, of course it is true, you Jewish snout!"/ "Oh good! Could you please tell me where I should go to get my share?"

This last example may help explain a remark by Vladimir Putin about the United States that many non-Russians found cryptic: The Politburo (in Russian: Политбюро), known as the Presidium from 1952 to 1966, functioned as the central policymaking and governing body of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. ... The symbol of NPF Pamyat with the Russian swastika Pamyat (Russian language: Память, English translation: Memory) is a Russian ultra-nationalist organization identifying itself as the Peoples National-patriotic Orthodox Christian movement. History In the end of 1970s, a historical association Vityaz (В&#1080... Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin (Russian: ) (born October 7, 1952) is the current President of the Russian Federation. ...

• Rabinovich is walking through the forest with a sheep, when both of them stumble into a pit. A few minutes later, a wolf also falls into the pit. The sheep gets nervous and starts bleating. "What's with all the baaahh, baaahh?" Rabinovich asks, "Comrade wolf knows who to eat."

Vovochka

Vovochka is the Russian equivalent of Little Johnny. He interacts with his school teacher, Marivanna, a spoken shortened form of Maria Ivanovna, a common Russian name. The name itself is a diminutive form of Vladimir, creating the "little boy" effect. His fellow students bear similarly diminutive names. This "little boy" name is used in contrast with Vovochka's wisecracking, adult, often obscene statements. Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who likes to ask embarrassing questions and has a very straightforward thinking. ...

• In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the board: "Children, could someone tell me what this is?" Vovochka raises his hand: "It's a dick, Marivanna!" Maria Ivanovna bursts into tears and runs out. In a minute the principal bursts in: "All right, what did you do now? It's something new every day! Yesterday you break a window, and today...," he looks around, "...and today you draw a dick on the blackboard?"
• The teacher asks the class to produce a word that starts with the letter "A"; Vovochka happily raises his hand and says "Asshole!" The teacher, shocked, responds "For shame! There's no such word!" "That's strange," says Vovochka, "the asshole exists, but the word doesn't!"
• Since the election of Vladimir Putin, all jokes about Vovochka are considered political. (NB: this particular witticism can be considered a Vovochka meta-joke.)

Binomial name L. The cucumber (Cucumis sativus) is a widely cultivated plant in the gourd family Cucurbitaceae, which includes squash, and in the same genus as the muskmelon. ... The penis (plural penises, penes) is an external male sexual organ. ... A principal is the chief administrator in an elementary school, secondary school, or high school. ... To meet Wikipedias quality standards, this article or section may require cleanup. ... Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin (Russian: ) (born October 7, 1952) is the current President of the Russian Federation. ... Meta-joke may refer to three somewhat different, but related categories: self-referring jokes, jokes about jokes (see meta-) also known as metahumor, and joke templates. // Self-referential jokes This kind of meta-joke is a joke in which the joke itself, or, rather, a certain category of joke, is...

Chapayev

Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev (Russian Василий Иванович Чапаев), a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander, was featured in a hugely popular 1934 biopic. Other characters from the biopic like his aide-de-camp Petka (Peter - Петька), Anka The Machine-Gunner (Anna - Анка), and political commissar Furmanov, all based on real people, are also featured in the jokes. Most common topics are about their fight with the monarchist White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, and the circumstances of his death; he was machine-gunned by the Whites while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle. This image has been released into the public domain by the copyright holder, its copyright has expired, or it is ineligible for copyright. ... Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev (January 28, 1887-September 5, 1919, all new style) (Russian Василий Иванович Чапаев) was a significant military commander during the Russian Civil War. ... For other organizations known as the Red Army, see Red Army (disambiguation). ... The Russian Civil War (1917-1922) began immediately after the collapse of the Russian provisional government and the Bolshevik takeover of Petrograd, rapidly intensifying after the dissolution of the Russian Constituent Assembly and signing of the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk. ... A biographical film or biopic is a film about a particular person or group of people, based on events that actually happened. ... Commissar is the English translation of an official title (комисса́р) used in Russia after the Bolshevik revolution and in the Soviet Union, as well as some other Communist countries. ... Dmitri Furmanov (November 7 (N.S.), 1891— March, 1926) was a Russian writer. ... White army may refer to: The military arm of the White movement, a loose coalition of anti-Bolshevik forces in the Russian Civil War The Saudi Arabian National Guard The National Guard of Kuwait This is a disambiguation page — a navigational aid which lists other pages that might otherwise... There were a number of military academies in Soviet Union of different specialties. ... The Ural (Russian: , Kazakh: Жайық, Jayıq or Zhayyq), known as Yaik before 1775, is a river flowing through Russia and Kazakhstan. ...

• "I flunked again, Petka. The question was about Caesar, and I told them it's a stallion from the 7th cavalry squadron." / "Oh, sorry about that, Vasili Ivanovich, I had him moved to the 6th!"

• Chapayev, Petka and Anka, in hiding from the Whites, are crawling across a field, first Anka, then Petka and Chapayev last. Petka says to Anka, "Anka, you lied about your proletarian descent! Your mother must have been a ballerina -- your legs are so fine!" Chapayev responds, "And your father, Petka, must have been a plowman: you are leaving such a deep furrow!"

• On the occasion of an anniversary of the October Revolution, Furmanov gives a political lecture to the rank and file: "...And now we are on our glorious way to the shining horizons of Communism!" / "How did it go?", Chapayev asks Petka afterwards. "Exciting!... But unclear. What the hell is a horizon?" / "See Petka, it is a line you may see far away in the steppe when the weather is good. And it's a tricky one -- no matter how long you ride towards it, you'll never reach it. You'll only wear down your horse." (Many other folk characters have starred in this joke as well, including Rabinovich.)

• A teacher learns that Vovochka's grandfather met Chapayev during the Russian Civil War. She asks him to come to the class on the eve of the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution and tell the kids about his memories. The old man reluctantly agrees. Kids meet him with excitement: "Say, gramps, did you see Chapayev with your own eyes?" / "Indeed I did. There I was, on the bank of the Ural river, a Maxim machine gun firmly in my hands. Suddenly I see someone swimming across the river! His Nobleness orders me, fire Ivan, fire! Well, kids, that was the last I ever saw of Chapayev!"

Caesar, originally a cognomen in ancient Rome, may mean: Julius Caesar (100 BC - 44 BC) was the most famous individual with the name. ... White army may refer to: The military arm of the White movement, a loose coalition of anti-Bolshevik forces in the Russian Civil War The Saudi Arabian National Guard The National Guard of Kuwait This is a disambiguation page — a navigational aid which lists other pages that might otherwise... The proletariat (from Latin proles, offspring) is a term used to identify a lower social class; a member of such a class is called a proletarian. ... Maya Plisetskaya, prima ballerina of the Bolshoi Ballet from 1943 to 1960 and prima ballerina assoluta from 1960 to 1990. ... An anniversary (from the Latin anniversarius, from the words for year and to turn, meaning (re)turning yearly; known in English since c. ... For other uses, see October Revolution (disambiguation). ... Communism is an ideology that seeks to establish a classless, stateless social organization based on common ownership of the means of production. ... Horizon. ... A steppe in Western Kazakhstan in early spring In physical geography, a steppe (Russian: - , Ukrainian: - , Kazakh: - ), pronounced in English as , is a plain without trees (apart from those near rivers and lakes); it is similar to a prairie, although a prairie is generally considered as being dominated by tall grasses... The Russian Civil War (1917-1922) began immediately after the collapse of the Russian provisional government and the Bolshevik takeover of Petrograd, rapidly intensifying after the dissolution of the Russian Constituent Assembly and signing of the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk. ... The October Revolution, also known as the Bolshevik Revolution, was the second phase of the Russian Revolution, the first having been instigated by the events around the February Revolution. ... An early Maxim gun in operation with the Royal Navy The Maxim gun was the first self-acting machine gun. ... Table of Ranks (Табель о рангах; Tabel o rangakh) was a formal list of positions and ranks in military, government, and court of the Imperial Russia. ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

A number of jokes involve characters from the famous novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle about the private detective Sherlock Holmes and his friend Dr. Watson. The jokes appeared and became popular soon after the screen versions of several of those stories came out on Soviet TV in late 1970s - mid-1980s. In all those movies the characters were brilliantly played by the same actors - Vasiliy Livanov (as Sherlock Holmes) and Vitaly Solomin (as Dr. Watson). Quotes from these films are usually included in the jokes ("Элементарно, Ватсон!" - "Elementary, my dear Watson!"). The narrator of such a joke usually tries to mimic the unique voice of Vasily Livanov. The standard plot of these jokes is a short dialog where Watson naïvely wonders about something and Holmes finds a "logical" explanation to the phenomenon in question. Occasionally the jokes also include other characters - Mrs. Hudson, the landlady of Holmes's residence on Baker Street, or Sir Henry and his butler Barrymore from The Hound of the Baskervilles. A portrait of Sherlock Holmes by Sidney Paget from the Strand Magazine, 1891 Sherlock Holmes is a fictional detective of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, who first appeared in publication in 1887. ... Dr Watson (left) and Sherlock Holmes, by Sidney Paget. ... Image File history File links Paget_holmes. ... Arthur Conan Doyle Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle (May 22, 1859 - July 7, 1930) is the British author most famously known for his stories about the detective Sherlock Holmes, which are generally considered a major innovation in the field of crime fiction. ... A portrait of Sherlock Holmes by Sidney Paget from the Strand Magazine, 1891 Sherlock Holmes is a fictional detective of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, who first appeared in publication in 1887. ... Dr. John H. Watson is a fictional character, the sidekick of Sherlock Holmes, the fictional 19th century detective created by Arthur Conan Doyle. ... The photograph of Livanov as Sherlock Holmes is said to be the largest of those gracing the walls of the Sherlock Holmes Museum in Baker Street. ... Vitaly Mefodievich Solomin (Russian: ) (12 December 1941 – 27 May 2002) was a Russian (and former Soviet) actor, director and scenario. ... The Hound of the Baskervilles is a crime novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, originally serialized in the Strand Magazine in 1901 and 1902, which is set largely on Dartmoor in 1889. ...

• Holmes and Watson went camping. After they went to bed, in the middle of the night Holmes wakes his friend up and asks: "Tell me, Watson, what does this starry sky tell you?" -- "It tells me that the weather is going to be nice in the morning" -- "And to me it tells that someone has stolen our bloody tent!".

Fantômas

Some older jokes involve Fantômas, a fictional criminal and master of disguise from a French detective series Fantômas, films based on which were once wildly popular in Russia. His archenemy is Inspector Juve, charged with catching him. Fantômas' talent for disguise is usually the focus of the joke, allowing for jokes featuring all sorts of other characters: A poster for an early Fantômas film. ... Image File history File links Fantomas_early_film_poster. ... A poster for an early Fantômas film. ...

• "Haha!" said Fantômas as he snuck out of Sophia Loren's bedroom and took off his Carlo Ponti mask. "Haha!" said Inspector Juve later as he snuck out of Sophia Loren's bedroom and took off his Sophia Loren mask.

• (From the days of Golda Meir) Fantômas sneaks into Mao Zedong's private chamber as the latter is on his deathbed, and takes off his mask. "Well, Petka, fate sure does have a way of scattering friends all over the world, doesn't it?", says Mao. "Ah, if you only knew, Vasily Ivanovich," responds Fantômas, "what our Anka has been up to in Israel!"

Sophia Loren (born September 20, 1934) is a motion picture and stage, Academy Award-winning actress, widely considered to be the most popular Italian actress. ... Carlo Ponti (December 11, 1912 – January 9, 2007) was an Italian film producer with over 140 production credits. ... Golda Meir (‎, born Golda Mabovitz, May 3, 1898 - December 8, 1978), also known as Golda Myerson from 1917-1956, was one of the founders of the State of Israel. ... “Mao” redirects here. ...

Vanka and Manka

Vanka and Manka (i.e., Ivan and Mariya) are a rustic couple with typically Russian names, visiting a large city and confronted with urban civilization.

• Vanka and Manka came to Moscow and went to a restaurant. Noticing that they were horribly out of fashion, they rush into a restroom, Manka cuts a deep decollete, using the cut fabric to hack bell-bottoms for Vanka's pants. Fixed up, they order lunch. The orchestra plays soft music. Manka purrs moodily: "My breast is on fire from Tchaikovsky's music!" Vanka looks up: "Dummy, take your tit out of your borsch!"

Cleavage is the partial exposure of a womans breasts, and/or the vertical line created by them, particularly when exposed by low-cut clothing. ... Bell bottoms are trousers that become more wide from the knees downwards. ... “Tchaikovsky” redirects here. ... For other uses, see Music (disambiguation). ... Borsch (Polish: barszcz, Russian and Ukrainian: борщ, also borshch, borscht) is a type of hearty Eastern and Central European vegetable soup, the beet roots being the defining ingredient. ...

New Russians

New Russians, i.e. the nouveau-riche, arrogant and poorly educated post-perestroika businessmen and gangsters, are a new and very popular category of characters in contemporary Russian jokes. A common plot is the interaction of a New Russian in his archetypal Mercedes S600 with a regular Russian in his modest Soviet-era Zaporozhets after having had a car accident. The New Russian is often a violent criminal or at least speaks criminal argot, with a number of neologisms (or common words with skewed meaning) typical among New Russians. In a way, these anecdotes are a continuation of the Soviet-era series about Georgians, who were then depicted as extremely wealthy. The physical appearance of the New Russians is often that of overweight men with short haircut, thick gold chains and crimson jackets, with their fingers in the horns gesture, riding the "600th Mers" and showing off their wealth. New Russian (новый русский - novyi russkiy in Russian) is a half-sarcastic term for newly rich businessmen in post-Soviet Russia, who got wealthy very quickly using semi-criminal methods during Russias chaotic transition to a market economy. ... Nouveau riche (French for new rich), or new money refers to persons who acquire wealth within their generation. ... This article or section does not cite any references or sources. ... New Russian (новый русский - novyi russkiy in Russian) is a term denoting a stereotypical caricature of the newly rich business class in post-Soviet Russia. ... The Mercedes-Benz S-Class is a series of large luxury flagship sedans produced by Mercedes-Benz, now a division of Daimler AG. The S-Class, a product of nine lines of Mercedes-Benz models dating since the mid-1950s, is the worlds best-selling luxury flagship sedan. ... ZAZ-968 The Zaporozhets (Russian: , Zaporozhets; Ukrainian: , Zaporozhets) was a brand name of subcompact cars designed and built from 1958 at the ZAZ factory in Soviet Ukraine (Zaporozhsky Avtomobilny Zavod, or Zaporozhsky Automobile Factory). ... Argot (French for slang) is primarily slang used by various groups, including but not limited to thieves and other criminals, to prevent outsiders from understanding their conversations. ... Crimson is a strong, bright, deep red color combined with some blue, resulting in a tiny degree of purple. ... Horns The corna (Italian for horns, also mano cornuta) is a gesture with a vulgar meaning in Mediterranean countries. ...

• "Daddy, all my schoolmates are riding the bus, and I am the black sheep in this 600th Mers." / "No worries, son. I'll buy you a bus, and you'll ride like everyone else!"
• "Look at my new tie," says a New Russian to his colleague. "I bought it for 500 dollars in the store over there." "You got yourself conned," says the other. "You could have paid twice as much for the same one just across the street!"
• A new Russian and an old man lay injured side-by-side in an emergency room:

— How did you get here, old fella?

— I had an old Zaporozhets car, and I set the war-trophy Messerschmitt jet engine on it. While driving on a highway, I saw a Ferrari ahead and tried to overtake it. The speed was too high and crushed myself into a tree. And how did you get here?

— I was driving my Ferrari when I saw a Zaporozhets overtaking me. I concluded, that my car might be broken and that it was actually standing still. So I opened the door and walked out...

Black sheep is a derogatory colloquialism in the English language meaning an outsider or one who is different in a way which others disapprove of. ... Grifter redirects here. ... ZAZ-968 The Zaporozhets (Russian: , Zaporozhets; Ukrainian: , Zaporozhets) was a brand name of subcompact cars designed and built from 1958 at the ZAZ factory in Soviet Ukraine (Zaporozhsky Avtomobilny Zavod, or Zaporozhsky Automobile Factory). ... ...

Animals

Jokes set in the animal kingdom also feature stereotypes, such as the violent Wolf, the sneaky (female) Fox, the cocky coward Hare, the strong, simple-minded Bear, the multi-dimensional Hedgehog and the king of animal kingdom Lion. In the Russian language all objects, animate and inanimate, have gender - masculine, feminine, or neuter. The reader should assume that the Wolf, the Bear, the Hare, Lion and the Hedgehog are males, whereas the Fox is a female. This article does not cite any references or sources. ...

• The Bear, the Wolf, the Hare and the Fox are playing cards. The Bear warns, shuffling: "No cheating! If I catch anyone cheating, I'll punch this person right in her smug red-furred face!"
• "If something has spilled from somewhere, then that must mean that something has poured into somewhere else," the Drunken Hedgehog mused philosophically when the campers quarrelled over a broken bottle. ("Drunken hedgehog" is a kind of multipurpose Russian cliché.)

Animals in Russian jokes are and were very well aware of politics in the realm of humans. Image File history File links No higher resolution available. ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... Wolf Wolf Man Mount Wolf Wolf Prizes Wolf Spider Wolf 424 Wolf 359 Wolf Point Wolf-herring Frank Wolf Friedrich Wolf Friedrich August Wolf Hugo Wolf Johannes Wolf Julius Wolf Max Franz Joseph Cornelius Wolf Maximilian Wolf Rudolf Wolf Thomas Wolf As Name Wolf Breidenbach Wolf Hirshorn Other The call... Jack rabbit and Jackrabbit redirect here. ... This article needs additional references or sources for verification. ... Wikipedia does not yet have an article with this exact name. ... In physics, a conservation law states that a particular measurable property of an isolated physical system does not change as the system evolves. ...

• A bunch of animals, including a Rooster are in prison and brag to each other what they are there for. <Scores of versions of funny tales by Fox, Wolf, etc.> The Rooster doesn't take part in this. Someone asks: "And what are you in for?" - "I am not talking to you, criminals. I am a political prisoner!" - "How come?" - "I pecked a Young Pioneer in the ass!"

Often animal jokes are in fact fables, i.e., their punchline is (or eventually becomes) a kind of a maxim. Rooster crowing during daylight A Rhode Island Red. ... A political prisoner is someone held in prison or otherwise detained, perhaps under house arrest, because their ideas or image are deemed by a government to either challenge or threaten the authority of the state. ... Soviet Young Pioneer (right) with her friend from Poland (left) in Artek. ... For a comparison of fable with other kinds of stories, see Myth, legend, fairy tale, and fable. ... This article needs cleanup. ...

• The Hare runs like crazy through a forest and meets the Wolf. The Wolf asks: "What's the matter? Why such haste?" "The camels there are caught and shod!" The Wolf says: "You're not a camel!" "When you are caught and shod, go then and try to prove them afterwards that you're not a camel!" (This joke is the origin of the popular Russian saying "try to prove you are not a camel" in the sense "try to prove postfactum that you did not do anything wrong".)

Jack rabbit and Jackrabbit redirect here. ... Modern horseshoes are most commonly made of steel and nailed into the hoof wall. ...

The Golden Fish

Aside from mammals, a rather common non-human is the Golden Fish, who asks the catcher to release her in exchange for three wishes. This first Russian instance of this appeared in Alexander Pushkin's The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish. In jokes, the Fisherman may be replaced by a representative of a nationality or ethnicity and the third wish usually makes the punch line of the joke. Image File history File linksMetadata Download high-resolution version (908x696, 287 KB) Beschreibung Licensing File links The following pages on the English Wikipedia link to this file (pages on other projects are not listed): Goldfish User:Trialsanderrors/FEQ Metadata This file contains additional information, probably added from the digital camera... Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin (Russian: Алекса́ндр Серге́евич Пу́шкин, IPA: ,  ) (June 6 [O.S. May 26] 1799 – February 10 [O.S. January 29] 1837) was a Russian Romantic author who is considered to be the greatest Russian poet[1][2][3][4] and the founder of modern Russian literature. ... The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish (1950 animated film) The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish (Сказка о рыбаке и рыбке) is a 1835 poem by Aleksandr Pushkin. ... A punch line is the final part of a joke, usually the word, sentence or exchange of sentences which is intended to be funny and to provoke laughter from listeners. ...

• An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are alone on an uninhabited island. They catch fish for food and suddenly catch a Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill one wish for each for her own freedom:
  The American: "A million dollars and to go back home!"
  The Frenchman: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!"
  The Russian: "Tsk, and just when we were getting on like a house on fire... Three crates of vodka and the two fellas back!"
  • Side Note: This joke is a play on the fact that in Russia it is believed that three is the optimal amount of people for drinking. This in turn goes back to when in the Soviet Union a bottle of vodka cost 2 roubles 87 kopecks, 3 R. being a convenient price for three men to buy a bottle and have 13 k. left for a snack, (usually a box of melted cheese Druzhba). Therefore a natural company is 3, each contributing 1 rouble. This procedure was dubbed "to figure it out for the three (persons)" (soobrazit' na troikh). A good deal of Soviet folklore is based on this interpretation of the "magic of the number 3".

A similar type of joke involves a wish-granting genie, the main difference being that in the case of the Gold Fish the Fisherman suffers from his own stupidity or greed, while genies are known for ingenuously twisting an interpretation of the wish to fool the grantee. ISO 4217 Code RUB User(s) Russia and self-proclaimed Abkhazia and South Ossetia Inflation 7% Source Rosstat, 2007 Subunit 1/100 kopek (копейка) Symbol руб kopek (копейка) к Plural The language(s) of this currency is of the Slavic languages. ... Genie is the English term for the Arabic جني (jinnie). ...

Drunkards

• A drunkard takes a leak by a lamp pole in the street. A policeman tries to reason with him: "Can't you see the latrine is just 25 feet away?" The drunkard replies: "Do you think I got me a damn fire hose in my pants here?"

• Drunk #1 is slowly walking, bracing himself against a fence and stumbling. He comes across Drunk #2, who is lying next to the fence. "What a disgrace! Lying around like a pig! I'm ashamed for you." "You just keep on walking, demagogue! We'll see what you're gonna do when you run out of fence!"

Male Latrine. ...

Policemen

These often revolve around the supposition that the vast majority of Russian and Soviet militsioners (policemen) accept bribes. Also, they are not considered to be very bright. A member of a Russian special purpose police team (OMSN), equipped with a 9A91 submachine gun. ...

• An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (Russian SWAT and riot police units) involving variously shaped and sized holes and pegs. The conclusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: extremely stupid and extremely strong.

• Three prizes were awarded for the successes in Socialist competition of militsia dept. #18. The third prize is the Complete Works of Vladimir Lenin. The second prize is 100 roubles and a ticket to Sochi... The first prize is a portable stop sign. (There are several versions with this punch line about the stop sign. This one depicts a Soviet peculiarity. A portable stop sign allows the militsioner to put it in an unexpected or hard to see place on a road, fine everyone passing it and appropriate most of the fines for himself.)

• "Do you know why policemen always go in threes?" / "No, why?" / "It's specialization: one knows how to read, one knows how to write, and the third is there to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals."

A meta-joke based on the previous one: The OMON insignia OMON (Russian: Отряд милиции особого назначения; Otryad Militsii Osobogo Naznacheniya, Special Purpose Detachment of Militsiya) is a generic name for the system of special units of militsiya (state police) within the Russian and earlier the Soviet, Ministerstvo Vnutrennih Del (MVD; Ministry of Internal Affairs). ... This article is about Special Weapons and Tactics. ... Riot control are the measures to control a riot or to break up an unwanted demonstration (usually of protestors). ... Socialist competition or socialist emulation (&#1089;&#1086;&#1094;&#1080;&#1072;&#1083;&#1080;&#1089;&#1090;&#1080;&#1095;&#1077;&#1089;&#1082;&#1086;&#1077; &#1089;&#1086;&#1088;&#1077;&#1074;&#1085;&#1086;&#1074;&#1072;&#1085;&#1080;&#1077;, sotsialisticheskoye sorevnovanie, or &#1089;&#1086;&#1094;&#1089;&#1086;&#1088;&#1077;&#1074;&#1085;&#1086;&#1074;&#1072;&#1085;&#1080... Militsiya (Russian: &#1084;&#1080;&#1083;&#1080;&#769;&#1094;&#1080;&#1103;; Ukrainian: &#1084;&#1110;&#1083;&#1110;&#1094;&#1110;&#1103;; literally Militia) was the generic name for the police in the Soviet Union and a few other Communist countries. ... Vladimir Ilyich Lenin (Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov) Russian: , IPA: , better known by the alias   () (April 22, 1870 – January 21, 1924), was a Russian revolutionary, a communist politician, the main leader of the October Revolution, the first head of the Russian Soviet Socialist Republic and from 1922, the first de facto leader... ISO 4217 Code RUB User(s) Russia and self-proclaimed Abkhazia and South Ossetia Inflation 7% Source Rosstat, 2007 Subunit 1/100 kopek (копейка) Symbol руб kopek (копейка) к Plural The language(s) of this currency is of the Slavic languages. ... Sochi (Russian: , IPA: [soʨɪ]) is a Russian resort city, situated in Krasnodar Krai just north of the southern Russian border. ... Stop sign used in English-speaking countries, as well as in the European Union Former British stop sign consisting of red Give Way triangle inside a circle. ... Meta-joke may refer to three somewhat different, but related categories: self-referring jokes, jokes about jokes (see meta-) also known as metahumor, and joke templates. // Self-referential jokes This kind of meta-joke is a joke in which the joke itself, or, rather, a certain category of joke, is...

• A person on a bus tells a joke: "Do you know why policemen always go in pairs?" / "No, why?" / "It's specialization: one knows how to read, the other - how to write." / A hand promptly grabs him by the shoulder — a policeman is standing right behind him! "Your papers!" he barks. The hapless person surrenders his papers. The policeman opens them, reads, and nods to his partner: "Write him up a citation, Vasya."

Army NCOs

Probably any nation big enough to have an army has a good deal of its own barracks jokes. Other than for plays on words, these jokes are usually international. In the Soviet Union, however, military service was universal (for males), so most people could relate to them. In these jokes a praporschik (warrant officer) is an archetypal bully of limited wit. Praporshchik (Russian: ) was originally a name of a junior officer position in the military of the Russian Empire, equivalent to ensign. ... Two Bermuda Regiment Warrant Officers. ...

There is an enormous number of one-liners, supposedly quoting a praporschik:

• Private Ivanov, dig a trench from me to the next scarecrow!"
• Private Ivanov, dig a trench from the fence until lunchtime!"
• Don't make clever faces at me - you're future officers, now act accordingly!"

The punchline "from the fence until lunchtime" has become a well-known Russian cliché for an assignment with no defined ending (or for doing something forever). To meet Wikipedias quality standards, this article or section may require cleanup. ...

Some of them are philosophical and apply not just to warrant officers.

• Scene One: A tree. An apple. An ape comes and starts to shake the tree. A voice from above: "Think, think!" The ape thinks, grabs a stick, and hits the apple off. / Scene Two: A tree. An apple. A praporschik comes and starts to shake the tree. A voice from above: "Think, think!" / "No time to think, gotta shake!".

Commander and intellectual trooper:

• A commander announces: - "The platoon has been assigned to unload 'luminum, the lightest iron in the world". A trooper responds, "Permission to speak... It's 'aluminium', not 'luminum', and it's one of the lightest metals in the world, not the lightest 'iron' in the world.". The commander retorts: "The platoon is going to unload 'luminum... and the intelligentsia are going to unload 'castum ironum'!" (For Russian speakers: the words were lyuminiy and chuguniy).

(A persistent theme in Russian military/police/law-enforcement-related jokes is the ongoing conflict between the representatives of the armed forces/law enforcement, and the "intelligentsia", i.e. well-educated, polite, high-class members of society. Since the early days of the Russian Revolution, the Soviet government used "intelligentsia" as one of the scapegoats for civil unrest and national-security threats. Therefore, this theme is a both a satire of 1.) the ridiculous levels to which Soviet paranoia and resulting prosecution of "intelligentsia" rose at times; and 2.) the image of military/law-enforcement officers and superiors as dumb and distrustful of "those educated smart-alecks", but with a gun to enforce their prejudices.) General Name, symbol, number aluminium, Al, 13 Chemical series poor metals Group, period, block 13, 3, p Appearance silvery Standard atomic weight 26. ... The notion of an intellectual elite as a distinguished social stratum can be traced far back in history. ... Cast iron usually refers to grey cast iron, but can mean any of a group of iron-based alloys containing more than 2% carbon (alloys with less carbon are carbon steel by definition). ... The notion of an intellectual elite as a distinguished social stratum can be traced far back in history. ...

Until shortly before perestroika, all fit male students of higher education had obligatory military ROTC courses from which they graduate as junior officers in the military reserve. A good deal of military jokes originated there. This article or section does not cite any references or sources. ... The University of Cambridge is an institute of higher learning. ... The Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) is a training program of the United States armed forces present on college campuses to recruit and educate commissioned officers. ... Modern Russian military ranks trace their roots to Table of Ranks established by Peter the Great. ... The Military Reserves are an organization that is associated with the military but is not in active duty. ...

• "Soviet nuclear bombs are 25% more efficient than the Atomic Bombs of the probable adversary. American bombs have 4 zones of effect: A, B, C, D, while ours have five: А, Б, В, Г, Д!" (the first five letters of the Russian alphabet, they are transliterated into Latin as A, B, V, G, D).
• "A nuclear bomb is specially designed to hit ground zero."
• "Suppose we have a unit of M tanks... no, M is not enough. Suppose we have a unit of N tanks!"
• A threat to an idle student: "I ought to take you out into the open field, put you face first against a wall, and shoot you between the eyes with a shotgun, so that you'd remember it for the rest of your life!
• "Cadets, write down: the temperature of boiling water is 90°." One of the privates replies, "Comrade praporshchik, you're mistaken - it's 100°!" The officer checks in the book, and then replies, "Right, 100°. It is the right angle that boils at 90°."

Sometimes, these silly statements can cross over, intentionally or unintentionally, into the realm of actual wit: Image File history File links No higher resolution available. ... The mushroom cloud of the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan, in 1945 lifted nuclear fallout some 18 km (60,000 feet) above the epicenter. ... The mushroom cloud of the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan, 1945, rose some 18 km (11 mi) above the epicenter. ... The Cyrillic alphabet (or azbuka, from the old name of the first two letters) is an alphabet used for several East and South Slavic languages; (Belarusian, Bulgarian, Macedonian, Russian, Rusyn, Serbian, and Ukrainian) and many other languages of the former Soviet Union, Asia and Eastern Europe. ... Ground zero is the exact location on the ground where any explosion occurs. ... Italic text This article is about the boiling point of liquids. ... ∠, the angle symbol. ...

• "Cadet, explain to us why you have come to class wearing trousers of our most probable military opponent!" (the teacher means jeans made in the USA) The right answer, as mentioned sometimes, is: "Because they are a probable war trophy."

It also can be jokes about Russian nuclear rocket forces, and world-wide disasters because of lack of basic army discipline. Blue Jeans (Levis 506) Jeans are trousers traditionally made from denim, but may also be made from a variety of fabrics including corduroy. ... Image File history File linksMetadata Download high-resolution version (1712x2288, 382 KB) Photo made by my brother, Alex Zelenko. ...

• Officer falls asleep on a duty, right in front of the "red button"/ Colonel comes in and officer reports: "During the duty nothing's happened, comrade Colonel"/ "Nothing's happened, you say? Nothing's happened?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!!"
• Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!". From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America...". The Russian captain interrupts him, screaming: "America? America??! There is none of your fucking America anymore!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who threw a valenok onto the control board?!"

There is also an eternal dispute between servicemen and civilians: In computing, the Big Red Button has historically referred to the red momentary electrical switch used to reboot a computer system. ... An unrubbered Russian valenok Valenki (Russian: - plural, валенок (valenok) - singular) are traditional Russian winter footwear. ...

• Civilian: "You servicemen are dumb. We civilians are smart!" / Serviceman: "If you are so smart, then why don’t you march in files?" Navy ending: "... why don't you wear a tel'nik?" (short for telnyashka).

A telnyashka is a blue and white striped, sleeveless or not, undershirt worn by sailors of the Russian Navy, Russian Paratroopers and Naval Infantry. ...

Ethnic stereotypes

Imperial Russia has been multiethnic for many centuries and this fact has survived on into its successor state, the former Soviet Union. Throughout their history several ethnic stereotypes have developed, often shared with those produced by other ethnicities (usually with the understandable exception of the ethnicity in question, but not always).

• What do you call one Russian? --A drunk. What do you call two Russians? --A fight. What do you call three Russians? -- A Party cell
• What do you call one Jew? --A financial center. What do you call two Jews? --The World Chess Championship. What do you call three Jews? --Native Russian Folk Instrument Ensemble.
• What do you call one Ukrainian? --A partisan. What do you call two Ukrainians? --A partisan cell. What do you call three Ukrainians? --A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.

The Communist Party of the Soviet Union ( Russian: &#1050;&#1086;&#1084;&#1084;&#1091;&#1085;&#1080;&#1089;&#1090;&#1080;&#769;&#1095;&#1077;&#1089;&#1082;&#1072;&#1103; &#1055;&#1072;&#769;&#1088;&#1090;&#1080;&#1103; &#1057;&#1086;&#1074;&#1077;&#769;&#1090;&#1089;&#1082;&#1086;&#1075;&#1086; &#1057;&#1086;&#1102;&#769;&#1079;&#1072; = &#1050... The Soviet partisans were members anti-fascist resistance movement which fought against the occupation of the Soviet Union by Axis forces during World War II. At the end of June 1941, immediately after the Germans crossed the Soviet border, the Central Committee of the All-Union Communist Party (Bolshevik) (see...

Chukchi

Chukchi, the native people of Chukotka, the most remote northeast corner of Russia, are the most common minority targeted for generic ethnic jokes in Russia—many other nations have a particular one they make fun of (cf. Poles in American humor or Newfie jokes about Newfoundlanders in Canada). In jokes, they are depicted as generally primitive and simple-minded, but clever in a naive kind of way. A propensity for constantly saying "odnako" - "however" - is a staple of Chukcha jokes. Often a partner of Chukcha in the jokes is a Russian geologist. Chukchi, or Chukchee (Russian: чукчи (plural), chukcha, чукча (singular)) are an indigenous people inhabiting the Russian Far East on the shores of the Arctic Ocean and Bering Sea. ... Chukotka Autonomous Okrug (Russian: , transliteration: Chukotsky avtonomny okrug; Chukchi: Чукоткакэн автономныкэн округ), or Chukotka (), is a federal subject of Russia (an autonomous okrug) located in the Far Eastern Federal District. ... Scene from an outport (small fishing village) in Newfoundland Newfie is a colloquial, and generally pejorative, term used in Canada for someone who is from Newfoundland. ... For other uses, see Newfoundland (disambiguation). ...

• "Chukcha, why did you buy a fridge if it's so cold in tundra?" / "Why, is minus fifty Celsius outside, is minus ten inside, is minus five in the fridge—a warm place, however!"
• A Chukcha comes into a shop and asks: "Do you have color TVs?" "Yes, we do." "Give me a green one."
• A Chukcha applies for membership in the Union of Soviet Writers. He is asked what literature he is familiar with. "Have you read Pushkin?" "No." "Have you read Dostoevsky?" "No." "Can you read at all?" The Chukcha, offended, replies, "Chukcha not reader, Chukcha writer!" (The latter phrase has become a popular cliche in Russian culture hinting at happy or militant ignorance.)

Chukchi do not miss their chance to retaliate. Celsius is, or relates to, the Celsius temperature scale (previously known as the centigrade scale). ... The USSR Union of Writers, or Union of Soviet Writers (Russian: ) was a creative union of professional writers in the USSR. It was founded in 1932 on the initiative of the Central Committee of the Communist Party The aim of the Union was to achieve Party and State control in... Aleksandr Pushkin by Vasily Tropinin Aleksandr Sergeyevich Pushkin (Russian: Алекса́ндр Серге́евич Пу́шкин, Aleksandr Sergeevič PuÅ¡kin,  ) (June 6, 1799 [O.S. May 26] – February 10, 1837 [O.S. January 29]) was a Russian Romantic author who is considered to be the greatest Russian poet[1] [2][3] and the founder of modern Russian... Fyodor Dostoevsky. ...

• A Chukcha and a Russian geologist go hunting polar bears. They track one down at last. Seeing the bear, the Chukcha shouts "Run!" and starts running away. The Russian shrugs, raises his gun and shoots the bear. "Russian hunter bad hunter, however", says the Chukcha, "Now you haul this bear ten miles to the yaranga yourself!"

Chukchi in jokes, due to their innocence, often see the inner truth of situations. Binomial name Phipps, 1774 Polar bear range Synonyms Ursus eogroenlandicus Ursus groenlandicus Ursus jenaensis Ursus labradorensis Ursus marinus Ursus polaris Ursus spitzbergensis Ursus ungavensis Thalarctos maritimus The polar bear (Ursus maritimus) is a bear native to the Arctic. ... Yaranga is a tent-like traditional mobile home of nomads of some Northern indigenous peoples of Russia, such as Chukchi. ...

• A Chukcha returns home from Moscow to great excitement and interest. "What is socialism like?" asks someone. "Oh," begins the Chukcha in awe, "There, everything is for the betterment of Man. I even saw that Man himself!"

Ukrainians

Ukrainians are depicted as rustic, greedy and fond of salted salo (pork fatback), and their accent, which is imitated in jokes, is perceived as funny. Image File history File links Ukrainians. ... A slab of słonina aged in paprika, popular in Central and East Europe Salo (Russian and Ukrainian: , Belarusian: , Hungarian: Polish: , Macedonian: , Romanian slănínă or slánă, Serbo-Croatian, Czech and Slovak: slanina) is a traditional Central and Eastern European food: slabs of pork underskin fat, with or...

A Ukrainian tourist is questioned at international customs:

—Are you carrying any weapons or drugs?

—Yes, salo.

—But salo is not a drug.

—When I eat salo, I get high!

• A Ukrainian is asked: "Can you eat an entire pound of apples?" - "Yes, I can." - "Can you eat two pounds of apples?" - "I can." - "And five pounds?" - "I can." - "Can you eat 100 pounds?!" - "What I can not eat, I will nibble!"

The above joke is based on the stereotype of Ukrainians as greedy. Customs is an authority or agency in a country responsible for collecting customs duties and for controlling the flow of animals and goods (including personal effects and hazardous items) in and out of a country. ... Look up high in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ...

In addition, Ukrainians are perceived to bear a grudge against Russians (derided as Moskali by Ukrainians) A slur can be anything from an insinuation or critical remark to an offensive insult. ...

• The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Ukrainian shepherd, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another Ukrainian on another hill to tell the news. "Mykola!" / "Yes!" / "Moskali have flown to the Moon!" / "All of them?" / "No, just one." / "So why are you bothering me?"

Georgians

Georgians are almost always depicted as masculine, suave, hot-blooded and sexually addicted, and in some cases, all four at the same time. A very loud and theatrical Georgian accent, including the grammatical errors typical of Georgians, and occasional Georgian words is considered funny to imitate in Russian and often becomes a joke in itself.

In some jokes, they are depicted as rich, because in Soviet times, Georgians were also perceived as running black market businesses. It should however be noted that at that time Russians often applied the word "Georgians" (gruziny) to all people from the Caucasus, regardless of their actual nationality. There is a funny expression, that usually in police reports they are termed as "persons of Caucasian nationality" (Russian: лицо кавказской национальности). Since the Russian word for "person" in the formal sense, (Russian: лицо), is the same as the word for "face", this allows a play on words about "faces of Caucasian nationality". In Russia itself, most people saw "persons of Caucasian nationality" mostly at marketplaces selling fruits and flowers. Many jokes about Georgians are being recently retold in terms of "New Russians". It has been suggested that this article or section be merged into underground economy. ... It has been suggested that this article or section be merged with Caucasus Mountains. ...

• A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport in Georgia. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving an AK-47 rifle and demanding that the flight be diverted to Israel. The pilot shrugs OK, but suddenly the hijacker's head falls off his shoulders, and a Georgian pops from behind with his blood-drenched dagger, and a huge suitcase: "Lisssn here genatsvale: no any Israel-Misrael; fly Moscow nonstop — my roses are fading!"

• In the zoo, two girls are discussing a gorilla with a huge penis: "THAT's what a real man must have!" A Georgian passer-by sarcastically remarks: "You are badly mistaken. THIS is what a real man must have!", and produces a thick wallet.

Location of Tbilisi in Georgia Coordinates: , Country Georgia Established c. ... Avtomat Kalashnikova model 1947 g. ... For other uses, see Moscow (disambiguation). ... Type species Troglodytes gorilla Savage, 1847 distribution of Gorilla Species Gorilla gorilla Gorilla beringei The gorilla, the largest of the living primates, is a ground-dwelling omnivore that inhabits the forests of Africa. ...

Armenians

Armenians are often used interchangeably with Georgians, sharing some of the stereotypes. However their unique context is the fictitious Armenian Radio, usually telling political jokes (see below). Radio Yerevan, or Armenian Radio jokes were very popular in the Soviet Union and in other Communist countries of the ex-Eastern bloc since the second half of the 20th century. ...

Also unique is the presumption of homosexuality (or at least a strong preference for anal sex). This is a perception similar to Greeks in the American culture. Roman men having anal sex. ...

• A sexually inexperienced Russian woman is about to marry an Armenian. Her more experienced girlfriend warns her that she should watch out, because Armenian men like to do it in the 'other hole'. Several months later, the women get together to chat and the girlfriend is dying to know: "So, has he tried to do it in the 'other hole' yet?" "No", her friend replies. "He says you can get pregnant that way".

Estonians and Finns

Estonians and Finns, allegedly rustic, are depicted as having no sense of humour and being stubborn, taciturn and especially slow. The Estonian accent, especially its sing-song tune and the lack of genders in grammar, forms part of the humour. Their common usage of geminates both in speech and orthography (e.g. Tallinn, Saaremaa) also led to the stereotype of being slow in speech, thinking and action. In the everyday life a person may be derisively named a "hot Estonian fellow" (or, in similar spirit, a "hot-tempered Finnish bloke", a phrase popularized by the 1995 Russian comedy Peculiarities of National Hunt, Особенности национальной охоты) to emphasize tardiness or lack of temperament. Indeed, Estonians play a similar role in Soviet humor to that of Finns in Scandinavian jokes. In phonetics, gemination is when a spoken consonant is doubled, so that it is pronounced for an audibly longer period of time than a single consonant. ... County Area 159. ... Map of the Estonian archipelago (Saaremaa and Hiiumaa) Landsat satellite photo of Saaremaa Saaremaa is the largest island (2,673 km²) belonging to Estonia. ...

Finnish political scientist Ilmari Susiluoto, also an author of three books on Russian humor, writes that Finns and Russians understand each other's humor. "Being included in a Russian anecdote is a privilege that Danes or Dutchmen have not attained. These nations are too boring and unvaried to rise into the consciousness of a large country. But the funny and slightly silly, stubborn Finns, the Chukhnas do."^[2] Ilmari Susiluoto (born October 15, 1947) is a Finnish political scientist, professor at the University of Helsinki, senior advisor at the Foreign Ministry of Finland since 1982, an expert in Russian and Soviet history, politics and society, an author of a number of books in this area. ... This article concerns the Dutch as an ethnic group. ...

• A special offer from Estonian mobile phone providers: the first two hours of a call are free.
• "I told some Estonian blokes that they're slow." / "What did they reply?" / "Nothing, but they beat me up the following day. "
• An Estonian policeman sees a car driving by backwards. / "Whe-ere aare youou go-ing?" / "I'm try-ing to tu-urn around." / The policeman lets him go. Ten minutes later, the car passes him again, going backwards but now in the opposite direction. "Whe-ere aare youou go-ing now?" / "I tu-urned around."

Finns share with Chukchi their ability to withstand cold.

• At -10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At -20 Austrians fly to Malaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At -300 hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest^[2]. (This joke predates the event, deemed impossible, of Finland actually winning the contest, in 2006.)

Málaga, a port town in the province of Málaga in Andalusia, Southern Spain Malaga, a fortified wine originating in Málaga. ... The modern logo was introduced for the 2004 Contest (in Istanbul) to create a consistent visual identity. ... The Eurovision Song Contest 2006 was the fifty-first Eurovision Song Contest, held at the Olympic Indoor Hall in Athens, Greece on the 18 May 2006 (for the semi-final) and 20 May 2006 (for the final). ...

Jews

Jewish humour is a highly developed subset of Russian humor, largely based on the Jews' self-image. These Jewish anecdotes are not the same as anti-Semitic jokes. As some Jews say themselves, Jewish jokes are being made by either anti-Semites or the Jews themselves. Instead, whether told by Jews or non-Jewish Russians, these jokes show cynicism, self-irony and wit that is characteristic of Jewish humour both in Russia and elsewhere in the world (see Jewish humor). The jokes are usually told with a characteristic Jewish accent (stretching out syllables, parodying the uvular trill of "R", etc.) and some peculiarities of sentence structure calqued into Russian from Yiddish. For other uses, see Jew (disambiguation). ... Jewish humor is the long tradition of humor in Judaism dating back to the Torah and the Midrash, but generally refers to the more recent stream of verbal, self-deprecating and often anecdotal humor originating in Eastern Europe and which took root in the United States over the last hundred... The uvular trill is a type of consonantal sound, used in some spoken languages. ... // In linguistics, a calque (pronounced ) or loan translation is a word or phrase borrowed from another language by literal, word-for-word (Latin: verbum pro verbo) or root-for-root translation. ...

• Abram cannot sleep, tossing and turning from side to side... Finally his wife Sarah protests: "Abram, what's bothering you?" / "I owe Moishe 20 roubles, but I have no money. What shall I do?" / Sarah bangs on the wall and shouts to the neighbors: "Moishe! My Abram still owes you 20 roubles? Well he isn't giving them back!" Turning to her husband she says: "Now go to sleep and let Moishe stay awake!"
• An Odessa Jew meets another one. "Have you heard, Einstein is going to America!" / "Oh, what for?" / "He developed this Relativity theory." / "Yeah, what's that?" / "Well, you know, five hairs on your head is relatively few. Five hairs in your soup is relatively many. And for that he goes to America!"

ODESSA (German: Organisation der ehemaligen SS-Angehörigen, Organization of Former SS Members) is the name commonly given to an international Nazi network alleged to have been set up towards the end of World War II by a group of SS officers. ... Einstein redirects here. ... Albert Einsteins theory of relativity is a set of two theories in physics: special relativity and general relativity. ...

Chinese

Russian stereotypes about Chinese people are probably the same as in Western world. Common jokes center on the size of the Chinese population, the Chinese language, and the perceptions of the Chinese as cunning, industrious, and hard-working. Other popular jokes revolve around the belief that the Chinese are capable of amazing feats by primitive means, such as the Great Leap Forward. Languages Chinese languages Religions Predominantly Taoism, Mahayana Buddhism, traditional Chinese religions, and atheism. ... The term Western world, the West or the Occident (Latin occidens -sunset, -west, as distinct from the Orient) [1] can have multiple meanings dependent on its context (e. ... Chinese (written) language (pinyin: zh&#333;ngw n) written in Chinese characters The Chinese language (&#27721;&#35821;/&#28450;&#35486;, &#21326;&#35821;/&#33775;&#35486;, or &#20013;&#25991;; Pinyin: H ny&#468;, Hu y&#468;, or Zh&#333;ngw n) is a member of the Sino-Tibetan family of languages. ... The Great Leap Forward (Simplified Chinese: ; Traditional Chinese: ; Pinyin: ) of the Peoples Republic of China (PRC) was an economic and social plan used from 1958 to 1960 which aimed to use Chinas vast population to rapidly transform mainland China from a primarily agrarian economy dominated by peasant farmers...

• "During the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies: The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border."
• "When a child is born in a Chinese family, there is an ancient tradition: a silver spoon is dropped on the jade floor. The sound the spoon makes will be the name of the newborn." (see Chinese names)
• The first report of the first taikonaut: "All systems operational, boiler-men on duty!"

A good deal of jokes are puns based on the fact that a widespread Chinese syllable (spelled "hui" in pinyin) sounds exactly like the obscene Russian word for penis (хуй). For this reason since about 1956 the Russian-Chinese dictionaries render the Russian transcription of this syllable as "хуэй" (huey), the most embarrassing case probably being the word "socialism" (社会主义; pinyin: shè huì zhǔ yì), rendered previously as шэ-хуй-чжу-и. Combatants People’s Republic of China Soviet Union Commanders Mao Tse-Tung Leonid Brezhnev Strength 814,000 658,000 Casualties 800 killed, 620 wounded, 1 lost [1] 58 killed, 94 wounded [2] The Sino-Soviet border conflict of 1969 was a series of armed clashes between the Soviet Union and... A selection of antique, hand-crafted Chinese jade (jadeite) buttons Unworked Jade Jade is used as an ornamental stone, the term jade is applied to two different rocks that are made up of different silicate minerals. ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... U.S. Space Shuttle astronaut Bruce McCandless II using a manned maneuvering unit. ... Fire exercise aboard the frigate La Motte-Picquet. ... Pinyin, more formally called Hanyu Pinyin (Simplified Chinese: ; Traditional Chinese: ; Pinyin: ), is the most common variant of Standard Mandarin romanization system in use. ... Mat (Russian: мат, or ма́терный язы́к) is (Russian sexual slang, based on the use of) specific generally unprintable obscene words. ... The penis (plural penises, penes) is an external male sexual organ. ... Socialism refers to a broad array of doctrines or political movements that envisage a socio-economic system in which property and the distribution of wealth are subject to control by the community[1] for the purposes of increasing social and economic equality and cooperation. ... Pinyin, more formally called Hanyu Pinyin (Simplified Chinese: ; Traditional Chinese: ; Pinyin: ), is the most common variant of Standard Mandarin romanization system in use. ...

• A new Chinese ambassador is to meet Gromyko. When the latter enters, the Chinese presents himself: "Zhǔi Hui!" Gromyko, unperturbed, retorts "Zhui sam!" The surprised Chinese asks: "And where is Gromyko?" (The pun is that "zhui hui!" (a mock Chinese name) means "chew a dick!" in Russian and "zhui sam" means "chew [it] yourself").
• Сунь Хуй в Чай Вынь Сам Пей, Sun' Huy v Chay Vyn' Sam Pey, (literally meaning "Dip [your] penis into tea, withdraw [and] drink [it], yourself") is a made-up "Chinese name" that is analogous of the English Who Flung Dung.

Andrei Andreyevitch Gromyko (&#1040;&#1085;&#1076;&#1088;&#1077;&#769;&#1081; &#1040;&#1085;&#1076;&#1088;&#1077;&#769;&#1077;&#1074;&#1080;&#1095; &#1043;&#1088;&#1086;&#1084;&#1099;&#769;&#1082;&#1086;) (July 5, 1909 &#8211; July 2, 1989) was foreign minister and chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the Soviet...

Russians

Russians are a stereotype in Russian jokes themselves when set next to other stereotyped ethnicities. Thus, the Russian appearing in a triple joke with two Westerners, like a German, French, American or Englishman, will provide for a self-ironic punchline depicting him as simple-minded and negligently careless but physically robust, which often ensures he retains the upper hand over his less naive Western counterparts. For other uses, see England (disambiguation). ...

• A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are trapped by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets it, and cannibals eat him. The French asks for three girls. He has crazy sex with them, and then follows the German. The Russian asks: "Hit me hard, right on my nose." The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov and shoots all the cannibals. The mortally wounded chief asks him: "Why didn't you do this before we ate the German?", the Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!" (Side note: This joke has also been used as a Jewish joke; more specifically, as an Israeli joke, as Israel is constantly feared of being seen as the 'aggressor')

• A Chukcha sits on the shore of the Bering Strait. An American submarine surfaces. The American captain opens the hatch and asks: "Which way is Alaska?" The Chukcha points his finger: "That way!" "Thanks!" says the American, shouts "South-South-East, bearing 159.5 degrees!" down the hatch and the submarine submerges. Ten minutes later a Soviet submarine emerges. The Russian captain opens the hatch and asks the Chukcha: "Where did the American submarine go?" The Chukcha replies: "South-South-East bearing 159.5 degrees!" "Don't be a smart-ass," says the captain, "just point with your finger!"

Map of Africa 1890 Look up safari in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ... Cannibalism is the act or practice of eating members of the same species, e. ... Human rights are rights which some hold to be inalienable and belonging to all humans. ... The Peoples Friendship University of Russia (&#1056;&#1086;&#1089;&#1089;&#1080;&#769;&#1081;&#1089;&#1082;&#1080;&#1081; &#1059;&#1085;&#1080;&#1074;&#1077;&#1088;&#1089;&#1080;&#1090;&#1077;&#769;&#1090; &#1044;&#1088;&#1091;&#769;&#1078;&#1073;&#1099; &#1053;&#1072;&#1088;&#1086;&#769;&#1076;&#1086;&#1074;, &#1056;&#1059;&#1044;&#1053;) is located... For other uses, see Moscow (disambiguation). ... Bratwurst with sauerkraut and potatoes A bratwurst (IPA: ) is a sausage composed of pork, beef, and sometimes veal. ... Avtomat Kalashnikova model 1947 g. ... Jewish humor is the long tradition of humor in Judaism dating back to the Torah and the Midrash, but generally refers to the more recent stream of verbal, self-deprecating and often anecdotal humor originating in Eastern Europe and which took root in the United States over the last hundred... Image File history File links Typhoon_iced. ... Satellite photo of the Bering Strait Photo across the Bering Strait Nautical chart of the Bering Strait The Bering Strait (Russian: ) is a sea strait between Cape Dezhnev, Russia, the easternmost point (169°43 W) of the Asian continent and Cape Prince of Wales, Alaska, the westernmost point (168°05...

Puns

Like everywhere else, a good deal of jokes in Russia are based on puns. Of course, 95% of humour is lost in translation, but... A pun (also known as paronomasia) is a figure of speech, or word play which consists of a deliberate confusion of similar words within a phrase or phrases for rhetorical effect, whether humorous or serious. ...

• (L) The genitive plural of a noun (used with a numeral to indicate five or more of something, as opposed to the dual, used for two, three, or four, see Russian nouns) is a rather unpredictable form of the Russian noun, and there are a handful of words which native speakers have trouble producing this form of (either due to rarity or an actual lexical gap). A common example of this is kocherga (fireplace poker). The joke is set in a Soviet factory. Five pokers are to be requisitioned. The correct forms are acquired, but as they are being filled out, a debate arises: what is the genitive plural of kocherga? Kocherg? Kocherieg? Kochergov?... One thing is clear: a form with the wrong genitive plural of kocherga will bring disaster from the typically-pedantic bureaucrats. Finally, an old janitor overhears the commotion, and tells them to send in two separate requisitions: one for two kochergi and another for three kochergi. In some versions, they send in a request for 4 kochergi and one extra to find out the correct word, only to receive back "here are your 4 kochergi and one extra." (In reality, a bureaucrat would likely resort to a trick like "Kocherga: 5 items"; a similar story by Mikhail Zoshchenko involves yet another answer.)

The genitive case is a grammatical case that indicates a relationship, primarily one of possession, between the noun in the genitive case and another noun. ... Look up Plural in Wiktionary, the free dictionary Plural is a grammatical number, typically referring to more than one of the referent in the real world. ... In linguistics, a noun or noun substantive is a lexical category which is defined in terms of how its members combine with other grammatical kinds of expressions. ... Common Slavic had a complete singular-dual-plural number system, although the dual paradigms showed considerable syncretism. ... Russian grammar encompasses: a highly synthetic morphology a syntax that, for the literary language, is the conscious fusion of three elements: a Church Slavonic inheritance; a Western European style; a polished vernacular foundation. ... This article or section does not cite its references or sources. ... A bureaucrat is a member of a bureaucracy, usually within an institution of the government. ... Mikhail Mikhailovich Zoshchenko (1895 - 1958) was a Russian satirist of the Soviet period. ...

Eggs

A Russian slang for 'testicle' is 'egg' It is not exactly slang, but rather a taboo word: the slang word for "testicle" is "egg" (yaitso). A large variety of jokes capitalize on this, ranging from predictably silly to surprisingly elegant. Download high resolution version (500x840, 83 KB) Wikipedia does not have an article with this exact name. ... The testicle (from Latin testis, meaning witness [1], plural testes) or ballock is the male generative gland in animals. ... In most birds and reptiles, an egg (Latin ovum) is the zygote, resulting from fertilization of the ovum. ... Profanity is a word choice or usage which its audience considers to be offensive. ...

• St. Petersburg. Hermitage Museum. An exhibit of a masterpiece by Peter Carl Fabergé. The caption reads: "Fabergé. Self-portrait. (Fragment)"
• A train compartment. A family: a small daughter, her mother and grandma. The fourth passenger is a Georgian. Mother starts feeding a soft-boiled egg to the daughter with a silver spoon. Grandma: "Don't you know that eggs can spoil silver?" — "Who would have known!", thinks the Georgian and replaces his silver cigarette case from the front pants pocket to the back one.
• See 'Chastushka' article for a yet another example.

Saint Petersburg (Russian: &#1057;&#1072;&#1085;&#1082;&#1090;-&#1055;&#1077;&#1090;&#1077;&#1088;&#1073;&#1091;&#769;&#1088;&#1075;, English transliteration: Sankt-Peterburg), colloquially known as &#1055;&#1080;&#1090;&#1077;&#1088; (transliterated Piter), formerly known as Leningrad (&#1051;&#1077;&#1085;&#1080;&#1085;&#1075;&#1088;&#1072;&#769;&#1076;, 1924&#8211;1991) and... The State Hermitage Museum (Russian: ) in Saint Petersburg, Russia is one of the largest museums in the world, with 3 million works of art (not all on display at once), [1] and one of the oldest art galleries and museums of human history and culture in the world. ... Bouquet of Lilies or Madonna Lily Egg by Fabergé Peter Carl Fabergé original name Carl weezer{| class=wikitable |- ! header 1|} Fabergé (May 30, 1846–September 24, 1920) was a Russian jeweller, best known for the fabulous Fabergé eggs, made in the style of genuine Easter eggs, but using precious metals... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... Chastushka (часту́шка), a type of traditional Russian poetry, is a single quatrain in trochaic tetrameter with an abab or abcb rhyme scheme. ...

Religion

A notable feature of Soviet humor is the virtual lack of jokes on religious topics, with some superficial exceptions, see below. Clearly, this is not because Russians are so pious. Those few are told in supposedly Church Slavonic language: archaic words are used and unstressed "o" is clearly pronounced as "o" (in modern Russian "Muscovite" speech it is reduced to "a") and rare names of distinctively Greek origin are used. Priests are supposed to speak in basso profondo. The Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in Moscow was demolished by Soviet authorities in 1931 to make way for the Palace of Soviets. ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... Note: This page or section contains IPA phonetic symbols in Unicode. ... A basso (or bass) is a male singer who sings in the lowest vocal range of the human voice. ...

• (L) At the lesson of the Holy Word: "Disciple Dormidontiy, pray tell me, is the soul separable from the body or not." / "Separable, Father." / "Verily speakest thou. Substantiate thy reckoning." / "Yesterday morning, Father, I was passing by your cell and overheard your voice chanting: (imitates bass) '...And now, my soul, arise and get thee dressed.' " / "Substantiatest... But in vulgar!" (The Russian phrase that translates literally as "my soul" is a term of endearment, often toward romantic partners, comparable to English "my darling")
• A lass in a miniskirt jumps onto a bus, the bus starts abruptly, and she falls onto the lap of a priest. She jumps up, surprised, looks down and says, "Wow!" / "It's not a 'wow!', my daughter, it is the key to the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour!"

Still there are two sets of jokes related to religion, but only superficially, because they don't mock religious topics per se. These are about humans dealing with supernatural beings and humans in Heaven and Hell. They are pretty much international settings, but sometimes there may be inherently Russian or Soviet flavor, political or cultural. The term vulgar originally meant of the common people, from the Latin vulgus. ... View of the cathedral and the Great Stone Bridge in 1905. ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ... For other uses, see Hell (disambiguation). ...

Human vs. supernatural powers

In jokes of one type God and Devil act as good and evil superpowers to create a comical situation for a mortal. This article discusses the term God in the context of monotheism and henotheism. ... The Devil is the name given to a supernatural entity, who, in most Western religions, is the central embodiment of evil. ...

Humans in heaven and hell

• A Communist died and since he was a honest man albeit atheist, he was sentenced to rotate spending one year in Hell and one year in Heaven. One year passed and Satan said to God : "Take this man as fast as possible, because he turned all my young demons into Young Pioneers, I have to restore some order." Another year passed, Satan meets God again and tells him : "Lord God, it's my turn now." God replied : "First of all, don't call me Lord God, but instead Comrade God; second, there is no God; and one more thing - don't distract me or I'll be late to the Party meeting."

• A Russian and an American are sentenced to Hell. The Devil summons them and says: "Guys, you have 2 options: an American or Russian hell. In the American one you can do what you want, but you'll have to eat a bucket of shit every morning. The Russian one is the same, but it's 2 buckets." The Yankee quickly makes up his mind and goes to American Hell, while the Russian eventually chooses the Russian one. In a week or so they meet. The Russian asks: "So, what's it like out there?"/ "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?" / "Ah, it feels like home - either the shit was not delivered or there aren't enough buckets for everyone!"

For information about the band, see Atheist (band). ... Czechoslovak pioneers A pioneer movement is an organization for children operated by a communist party. ... Comrade is a term meaning friend, colleague, or ally. ...

Absurdity

A class of jokes relies on the uncategorizable absurdity of human life:

• Anguish: A house in the middle of a desolate steppe. A man walks out, yells at the top of his voice, "Damn you-u-u-u!". Waits for the echo: "you-u-u...". Satisfied, he goes back in.

• A man is driving along the highway. His rear axle falls off. "No problem," he thinks, "If I concentrate hard enough, there'll be someone with a rear axle for me after the next curve." Drives around the curve. No one. "Obviously I didn't concentrate hard enough. The next curve is it!". Drives around the next curve. A guy is standing there. The driver stops. "Well?" / "Leave me alone, will you? I don't have your rear axle!!"

• A man is sitting with his dog, fishing. Suddenly, a cow head surfaces and says: "Hey, give me a cigarette." The man, automatically, gives her a cigarette, and the head submerges. The man, astonished, looks at his dog, which says: "What? What? I was totally shocked myself!"

Black humour

Chernobyl humour

• An old woman stands in the market with a "Chernobyl mushrooms for sale" sign. A man goes up to her and asks, "Hey, what are you doing? Who's going to buy Chernobyl mushrooms?" And she tells him, "Why, lots of people. Some for their boss, others for their mother-in-law..."

• A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?" "Yes, there was." - answered the Grandpa and patted the grandson's head. "Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?" "Yes, absolutely" - answered the Grandpa and patted the grandson's second head. (Often added "And they strolled off together, wagging their tails").

• A Soviet newspaper reports: "Last night the N. Nuclear Powerstation fulfilled the Five Year Plan of heat energy generation in 4 microseconds."

Image File history File linksMetadata Download high resolution version (2048x1362, 370 KB) Summary A monument to the victims of the Chernobyl nuclear power plant disaster at Mitino cemetery outside Moscow, where some of the firefighters that battled the flames during the 26 April 1986 disaster and later died of radiation... Coordinates: 51°2322. ... Basidiocarps (mushrooms) of the fungus Leucocoprinus sp. ... Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station, viewed from the roof of a building in Pripyat, Ukraine. ... This article or section does not cite any references or sources. ...

Medical humour

Medical jokes are widespread. Usually, they consist of a short dialogue of doctor or nurse and patient.

• "Doc, why is it that when I speak to God it's a prayer, and when God speaks to me it's schizophrenia?"
• "Doc, everybody ignores me!"/ "Next patient, please..."
• "Doc, why you are measuring me!"/ "I'm not a doctor, I'm an undertaker."
• "Doc, where're we going?" / "To the morgue."/ "But I haven't died yet!"/ "Nor have we arrived yet."
• "Nurse, where're we going?" / "To the morgue."/ "But I haven't died yet!"/ "Er, the doc said "to the morgue", so to the morgue!"

The phrase "The doc said 'to the morgue', so to the morgue!" became a well-known Russian cliché meaning that something must be done.

University students

The life of most Russian university students is often associated with many people coming from small towns and living in dormitories. State universities (the only type of universities in existence in Soviet times) are notable for carelessness about the students' comfort and the quality of food. Most jokes make fun of these "interesting" conditions, inventive evasion by students of their academic duties or lecture attendance, constant shortage of money and sometimes even about alcoholic tendencies of engineering students.

Students' nutrition

• A memo in a student dining hall: Students, do not drop your food on the floor, two cats have already died.
• A crocodile's stomach can digest concrete. A student's stomach can digest that of a crocodile.
• A student in the canteen: "Can I have 2 hot dogs... <whispers around: "Look at that rich boy!">.... and 17 forks, please?"

Study

Also, there are a number of funny student obsessions such as zachetka (a transcript of grades, carried by every student), halyava (a chance of getting good or acceptable grades without any effort) and getting a scholarship for good grades. This article is about scholarship (noun) and scholarship as a form of financial aid. ...

A large number of jokes is about an exam which are usually a dialogue between the professor and the student, based on a set of questions written on a bilet (a small sheet of paper, literally: ticket), which the student draws at random in the exam room, and is given some time to prepare answers for.

In-jokes

Each field of study has its own set of professional jokes involving students and professors. Professional humor or occupational humor is a kind of humor which pokes fun at the peculiarities of a particular profession. ...

• In a lecture there are 3 students in the class. Suddenly, 5 students stand up and leave. The professor thinks to himself, "If another 2 people come in, then there will be nobody listening."

Abstract jokes

"Abstract joke" (or "abstract humor") is a kind of joke based on absurdity in its pure form.

• Two crocodiles were flying. One was green, the other was also going to Africa.
• A frog is swimming down a stream and stops by a crocodile. "Crocodile, what?" / The crocodile eats the frog and says, "What 'what?'... I live here."

Cowboy jokes

Cowboy jokes is a popular series about a Wild West full of trigger-happy simple-minded cowboys, and of course the perception is that in Texas everything is big. It is usually difficult to guess whether these are imported or genuinely Russian inventions. Other times, it's pretty clear. Great Basin region, typical American West The Western United States has played a significant role in history and fiction. ... For other uses, see Cowboy (disambiguation). ...

In a saloon.

- The guy over there really pisses me off!

- There are four of them; which one?

(The joke narrator imitates the sounds of three shots)

- The one still standing!

• A cowboy enters a saloon with a gun in each hand. He starts shouting loudly while shooting a bullet to the ceiling every now and then. He then asks "Which bastard painted my horse yellow?" A seven-foot tall cowboy stands up and replies: "I did. So what?" The first cowboy then says: "Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wanted to tell you that the paint has dried and you can lacquer it now."

Inner voice

The "inner voice" series, often set within the framework of cowboys, has a typical template: the inner voice gives a series of seemingly good advice which eventually leads to big trouble.

• A cowboy is riding across a prairie. His inner voice tells him, "Get off the horse and dig a hole!" The cowboy does this and finds a box of silver. "Dig deeper!" The cowboy digs and finds a box of gold. "Dig deeper," says the voice again. The cowboy keeps digging and finds a box of diamonds. "Now, I wonder how you'll get yourself out," says the inner voice.
• A cowboy is riding alone across the Wild West. Suddenly he is attacked by a whole tribe of Indians. "God, I'm in trouble", thinks he, but then he hears his inner voice whispering: "Your situation isn't so bad... just shoot the one with the fancy feathers, the chief". So does the cowboy: shoots at the chief, who falls from his horse. "Now you are indeed in trouble", says the inner voice.

Prairie grasses Prairie refers to an area of land of low topographic relief that historically supported grasses and herbs, with few trees, and having generally a mesic (moderate or temperate) climate. ...

Jokes about disabilities

There is a series of Russian jokes about disabilities. Most popular themes being mental hospital and dystrophy. A psychiatric hospital (also called a mental hospital or asylum) is a hospital specializing in the treatment of persons with mental illness. ... Dystrophy is any condition of abnormal development, usually due to malnutrition, especially denoting the degeneration of muscles (muscular dystrophy). ...

Mental hospital

• An inspector comes to a mental hospital and sees the patients diving into an empty pool head-first. "What are they doing?" he asks the nurse. "The chief psychiatrist promised to fill the pool with water when they learn to dive safely."

• A patient tells the doctor that he cannot live with his roommate anymore. "Why not?" / "Because at night he starts pretending he is a lamp." / "And why does that bother you?" / "I can't fall asleep when there's too much light."

The concept of "mental hospital" is also often used to poke fun at the political system.

• A lecturer visits the mental hospital and gives a lecture about how great communism is. Everybody claps loudly except for one person who keeps quiet. The lecturer asks: "why aren't you clapping?" and the person replies "I'm not a psycho, I work here."

Dystrophy

Due mainly to the Siege of Leningrad during WW2, when all supply routes were cut off and people literally starved to death and fell dead in the streets, a large number of jokes, arguably unparalleled among other nations, is about people with acute dystrophy, informally called distrofik in Russia. The main topics are extreme weakness, slowness, leanness, and weightlessness of a distrofik. Combatants Germany Spanish Blue Division Soviet Union Commanders Wilhelm von Leeb Georg von Küchler Agustín Muñoz Grandes Kliment Voroshilov Georgiy Zhukov Strength 725,000 930,000 Casualties Unknown Red Army: 332,059 KIA 24,324 non-combat dead 111,142 missing 16,470 civilians 1 million civilians... Dystrophy is any condition of abnormal development, usually due to malnutrition, especially denoting the degeneration of muscles (muscular dystrophy). ...

• Distrofiks are playing hide and seek in the hospital. "Vovka, where are you?" / "I'm here, behind this broomstick!" "Hey, didn't we have an arrangement not to hide behind the thick objects?"
• A jolly doctor comes into a dystrophy ward:"Greetings, eagles!" (a Russian cliché in addressing to able-bodied men, eg., brave soldiers) In reply: "No, we are not. We are flying because the nurse turned the fan on!"
• A distrofik is lying in bed and shouting: "Nurse! Nurse!" / "What's that now?" / "Kill the fly! It's trampled my chest to pulp."

The retarded

• Father sends his son shopping: "You go and buy two things: bread and milk. Did you get it? Two things, TWO, not one! Bread! And milk!" The son comes back with a hockey stick. "What did I tell you, moron?! I told you to buy TWO things! Where is the puck, retard?!"
• A retard kid comes to his dad and asks: "Hey pa, where's ma?" / "She's taking a shower, son" / "Pa, where's ma?" / "I told you, she's taking shower." / "Pa, where's ma?" / "Ok." Dad asks mother to come out from the shower. "Here's your mother!". A retard kid looks at his mother, smiles gladly and says: "Oooh! Ma!.... Where's pa?"

Taboo vocabulary

The very use of obscene Russian vocabulary, called mat, can enhance the humorous effect of a joke by its emotional impact. Due to the somewhat different cultural attitude to obscene slang, such effect is difficult to render into English. The taboo status often makes mat itself the subject of a joke. One typical plot goes as follows. Mat (Russian: мат, or ма́терный язы́к) is (Russian sexual slang, based on the use of) specific generally unprintable obscene words. ...

A construction site expects an inspection from the higher-ups, so a foreman warns the boys to watch their tongues. During the inspection, a hammer is accidentally dropped from the fourth floor right on a worker's head... The punch line is an exceedingly polite, classy utterance from the mouth of the injured.

(L) Another series of jokes exploits the richness of the mat vocabulary, which can give a substitute to a great many words of everyday conversation. Other languages often use profanity in a similar way (like the English fuck, for example), but the highly synthetic grammar of Russian provides for the unambiguity and the outstandingly great number of various derivations from a single mat root. A punch line is the final part of a joke, usually the word, sentence or exchange of sentences which is intended to be funny and to provoke laughter from listeners. ... Mat (Russian: мат, or ма́терный язы́к) is (Russian sexual slang, based on the use of) specific generally unprintable obscene words. ... This article or section does not cite its references or sources. ... A synthetic language, in linguistic typology, is a language with a high morpheme-per-word ratio. ... Russian grammar encompasses: a highly synthetic morphology a syntax that, for the literary language, is the conscious fusion of three elements: a Church Slavonic inheritance; a Western European style; a polished vernacular foundation. ... The root is the primary lexical unit of a word, which carries the most significant aspects of semantic content and cannot be reduced into smaller constituents. ...

The goal of a joke in this series is to apply such substitution to as many words of a sentence as possible while keeping it meaningful. In an extreme example — a dialog at a construction site between a foreman and a worker — retains a clear meaning even with all of its 14 words being derived from the single obscene word khuy.

- Morons, why the fuck did you load so much of this shit? Unload it anywhere you want!

- What's the fucking problem?! No way! No need to unload! It got loaded alright! Let's fucking go!

Word-by-word:

- Ohuyeli?! (Have [you] gone mad?!) Nahuya (why) dohuya (so much) huyni (of stuff) nahuyarili (you have loaded up)? Rashuyarivay (unload [it]) nahuy! (out of here)

- Huli?! (What's the problem?) Nihuya! (No way!) Nehuy (No need) rashuyarivat (to unload)! Nahuyacheno ([It] got loaded) nehuyovo! (quite well)! Pohuyuarili! (Let's go)

After this example one may readily believe the following semi-apocryphal story. An inspection was expected at a Soviet plant to award it the Quality Mark, so the administration prohibited the usage of mat. On the next day the productivity dropped abruptly. People's Control figured out the reason: miscommunication. It turned out that workers knew all the tools and parts only by their mat-based names: huyovina, pizdyulina, huynyushka, huyatina, etc.; the same went for technological processes: othuyachit’, zayebenit’, prihuyachit’, huynut’, zahuyarit’…

• The CIA planted a bug in a Russian nuclear missile factory. They discovered that the rockets are made of two parts: the huyovina and the pizdyulina, joined with poyeben’, and all of these are interchangeable.

The CIA Seal The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is an American intelligence agency, responsible for obtaining and analyzing information about foreign governments, corporations, and individuals, and reporting such information to the various branches of the U.S. Government. ... A bug is the common name for a covert listening device, usually a combination of a miniature radio transmitter with a microphone. ...

The bootsmann joke

There is the self-referential Bootsmann Joke, which is one of a kind and is known to produce macho contests of who composes the most elaborate, flowery, multi-level obscene masterpiece for the boatswain to utter, but always ends with the same punchline. A loosely translated classical version is as follows: Bootsmann was a Petty Officer position in German naval forces. ...

The bootsmann stepped out the hatch on the deck, stumbled upon an anchor and flopped flat.

"You fucking buggered fucked-up shitty cunt, rotting in motherfucking dick-and-balls filthy hell of fuckedness!" said the bootsmann, and then swore profusely.

Bootsmann was a Petty Officer position in German naval forces. ...

References

1. ^ D. Kalinina (2007) "Gusary Deneg Ne Berut" ISBN 569919696X
2. ^ ^{a b} Soviet nostalgia lives on in Russian anecdotes, Helsingin Sanomat, 9/5/2006

Helsingin Sanomat is the biggest subscription newspaper in Finland. ...

In English

• "Making War, Not Love: Gender and Sexuality in Russian Humor" — a review in Journal of Folklore Research
• Taking Penguins to the Movies: Ethnic Humor in Russia
• Tiny Revolution Russia: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes and Jokes
• Reflective Laughter: Aspects of Humour in Russian Culture (Anthem Slavic and Russian Studies)
• Ethnic Humor Around the World: A Comparative Analysis
• Consuming Russia: Popular Culture, Sex, and Society since Gorbachev, contains an essay about Russian jokes
• Emil Draitser, Forbidden Laughter (1980) ISBN 0896260453
• Christie Davies, Jokes and Their Relation to Society (1998) ISBN 3110161044, Chapter 5: "Stupidity and rationality: Jokes from the iron cage" (about jokes from beyond the Iron Curtain)
• Contemporary Russian Satire: A Genre Study
• Laughter through tears: Underground wit, humor, and satire in the Soviet Russian Empire
• Is That You Laughing Comrade? the World's Best Russian (Underground Jokes)
• Rodger Swearingen, What's so funny, comrade? (1961) ASIN B0007DX2Z0
• The Cambridge Companion to Modern Russian Culture; section "Popular Culture" discusses Russian "narrative jokes (anekdot) and chastushkas: ... further "wise fool" figures, such as brave Red Army commander Chapayev, hippies, Cheburashka and Cornet Rzhevsky have replaced Ivan the Fool
• "Eros and Pornography in Russian Culture." Edited by Marcus C. Levitt and Andrei L. Toporkov. In the Series “Russkaia potaennaia literatura.” Ladomir Publishers, Moscow, 1999. 700 p (review) Section "Pornography in Russia today" contains a chapter on contemporary Russian humor

Emil Draitser is an author and professor of Russian at Hunter College, New York. ... Warsaw Pact countries to the east of the Iron Curtain are shaded red; NATO members to the west of it — blue. ... Chastushka (часту́шка), a type of traditional Russian poetry, is a single quatrain in trochaic tetrameter with an abab or abcb rhyme scheme. ... Ivan the Fool (also known as Ivan the Fool and his Two Brothers) is an 1886 short story by Leo Tolstoy, published in 1886. ...

In Russian

• "Eto prosto smeshno, ili, Zerkalo krivogo korolevstva: Anekdoty : sistemnyi analiz, sintez i klassifikatsiia"
• "U Mikrofona Armianskoe Radio" (1995) ISBN 5871730019
• Sotsiologiia iumora: Ocherki (1996) Russian Academy of Science, ISBN 5201019080
• Sovetskii Soiuz v zerkale politicheskogo anekdota

Russian Academy of Sciences (&#1056;&#1086;&#1089;&#1089;&#1080;&#769;&#1081;&#1089;&#1082;&#1072;&#1103; &#1040;&#1082;&#1072;&#1076;&#1077;&#769;&#1084;&#1080;&#1103; &#1053;&#1072;&#1091;&#769;&#1082;) is the national academy of Russia. ...

Other

• Ilmari Susiluoto
  • Työ tyhmästä pitää, venäläisen huumorin aakkoset ("Only a Fool Likes to Work: The ABCs of Russian humour"), Ajatuskustannus, 2000 (Finnish)
  • Takaisin Neuvostoliittoon (2006) ("Back to the USSR") — A review, Helsingin Sanomat, 9/5/2006 : "Soviet nostalgia lives on in Russian anecdotes: Finnish political scientist examines post-Soviet humour in new book" (review in English)

Ilmari Susiluoto (born October 15, 1947) is a Finnish political scientist, professor at the University of Helsinki, senior advisor at the Foreign Ministry of Finland since 1982, an expert in Russian and Soviet history, politics and society, an author of a number of books in this area. ... Helsingin Sanomat is the biggest subscription newspaper in Finland. ...

External links

• anekdot.ru, Russian humor website (in Russian)
• Bash.Org.ru, Russian humor resource (in Russian)
• http://members.cox.net/marperak/jokes/ by Mark Perakh
• Hammer & tickle, Prospect Magazine, May 2006, essay by Ben Lewis on jokes in Communist countries