"You have two cows" is the beginning phrase for a series of political joke definitions. The Politics series Politics Portal This box:      Politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions. ... A joke is a short story or series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of causing laughter or being found humorous by either listener/reader or performer/writer. ...

Background

"You have two cows" jokes originated as a parody of the typical examples used in introductory-level economics course material and featuring a farmer in a moneyless society who uses the cattle that he owns in order to trade with his neighbors. A typical example is: "You have two cows; you want chickens; you set out to find another farmer who has chickens and wants a cow". These examples are meant to show the limitations of the barter system, leading to the eventual introduction of currency and money. In contemporary usage, a parody (or lampoon) is a work that imitates another work in order to ridicule, ironically comment on, or poke some affectionate fun at the work itself, the subject of the work, the author or fictional voice of the parody, or another subject. ... Face-to-face trading interactions on the New York Stock Exchange trading floor. ... Barter is a type of trade that do not use any medium of exchange, in which goods or services are exchanged for other goods and/or services. ... Various denominations of currency, one form of money Money is any good or token that functions as a medium of exchange that is socially and legally accepted in payment for goods and services and in settlement of debts. ...

The "two cows" parodies, however, place the cow-owner in a fully fledged economic system where cows are used as a metaphor for all currency, capital, means of production and economic property (all assumed to be owned by a private individual, not owned jointly as in non-capitalist communities). The intent of these jokes is usually to point out flaws and absurdities in those systems, although non-political jokes have been derived from them (see below).^{[1][2][3][4][5]} Look up metaphor in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ... Capital has a number of related meanings in economics, finance and accounting. ... Means of production (abbreviated MoP; German: Produktionsmittel), also called means of labour are the materials, tools and other instruments used by workers to make products. ... This article or section does not cite any references or sources. ...

Examples

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else.

Political jokes: Image File history File links This is a lossless scalable vector image. ... Image File history File links This is a lossless scalable vector image. ...

• Absolute Monarchy: You have two cows. The king takes both and hangs you. He then nurtures the cows until they're fat and eats them while the poor peasants starve.
• Anarchism: You have two cows. Your neighbor claims you stole them from him. You then agree without government interaction that you each keep one cow.
• Aristocracy: You have two cows. The wealthy nobles take them from you and sell them on the market to a poor peasant.
• Authoritarianism: You have two cows. The government kills them and eats the meat without your consent.
• Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbor steals them, and the town holds an election debating whether he should keep them or not.
• Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else.
• Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and evenly distributes the milk.
• Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• Autocracy: You have two cows. The dictator confiscates both and gives you a life sentence.
• Republic: You have two cows. Your neighbor sues you because they ate his grass. You have to spend all of your money on court and lawyer fees, so you can't buy hay. The cows die from starvation the next winter.
• Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government steals both of them and addresses to you evidence that, since you get milk from the marketplace down the street, you don't really need the cows.
• Utilitarianism: You have two cows. A neighbor has none. The government makes you give your neighbor a cow, but the neighbor has to share some of his chickens with you.

Non-political jokes: This does not cite its references or sources. ... Anarchism is a political philosophy or group of philosophies and attitudes which reject any form of compulsory government[1] and support its elimination,[2] often because of a wider rejection of involuntary authority. ... Forms of government Part of the Politics series Politics Portal This box:      The term aristocracy refers to a form of government where power is held by a small number of individuals from an elite or from noble families. ... Forms of government Part of the Politics series Politics Portal This box:      This article applies to political and organizational ideologies. ... Socialism refers to a broad array of ideologies and movements which aim to improve society through collective and egalitarian action; and to a socio-economic system in which property and the distribution of wealth are subject to control by the community. ... Communism is an ideology that seeks to establish a classless, stateless social organization based on common ownership of the means of production. ... Capitalism generally refers to an economic system in which the means of production are all or mostly privately[1][2] owned and operated for profit, and in which investments, distribution, income, production and pricing of goods and services are determined through the operation of a free market. ... Forms of government Part of the Politics series Politics Portal This box:      An autocracy is a form of government in which the political power is held by a single person. ... in particular, for the archaizing senses of republic, as a translation of politeia or res publica Forms of government Part of the Politics series Politics Portal This box:      A republic is a form of government maintained by a state or country whose sovereignty is based on consent of the governed... Forms of government Part of the Politics series Politics Portal This box:      Totalitarianism is a term employed by political scientists, especially those in the field of comparative politics, to describe modern regimes in which the state regulates nearly every aspect of public and private behavior. ... Utilitarianism (1861), see Utilitarianism (book). ...

• Fatalism: You have two cows. Your neighbor kills both of them, and then tells you that they would have died anyway at the hands of the thieving government or by someone or something else.
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government says you must learn to play the harmonica.
• Binary: You have 10 cows.
• Mathematics:You have two cows. Cow A started in Boston at 6:30 A.M. and walked to New York at 5 miles per hour. Cow B started at New York at 4:00 A.M. walking to Boston at 2 miles per hour. At which town will the cows meet?

It has been suggested that Theological fatalism be merged into this article or section. ... Max Ernst. ... Look up binary in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ... Euclid, Greek mathematician, 3rd century BC, as imagined by by Raphael in this detail from The School of Athens. ...

Cows and economic systems

The first "two cows" jokes were meant to compare opposing economic systems such as capitalism and communism, typically by describing how government and bureaucracy would interfere with one's quiet enjoyment of one's cows. The jokes evolved into satire of various political, cultural, social and philosophical systems and theories. Eventually, virtually anything has come to be usable as "cow joke fodder." Newsworthy events involving actual cows (Mad Cow outbreaks) have also been used as material. This article does not cite any references or sources. ... Capitalism generally refers to an economic system in which the means of production are all or mostly privately[1][2] owned and operated for profit, and in which investments, distribution, income, production and pricing of goods and services are determined through the operation of a free market. ... Communism is an ideology that seeks to establish a classless, stateless social organization based on common ownership of the means of production. ... The Politics series Politics Portal This box:      This article is about the sociological concept. ... 1867 edition of the satirical magazine Punch, a British satirical magazine, ground-breaking on popular literature satire. ... Classic image of a cow with BSE. Source: APHIS Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), commonly known as mad cow disease, is a fatal, neurodegenerative disease of cattle, which infects by a mechanism that surprised biologists upon its discovery in the late 20th century. ...

The "two cows" jokes assume that the cow-owner lives in a capitalist system to start: if you own two cows, you must believe in private property, which is a central tenet of capitalism but not other economic-political systems. In most other systems including socialism and anarchism, people imagine property to be collectively owned. This means that the "two cows" jokes only make sense culturally to people who have grown up in capitalism. It also means that the cow-owner often seems cheated or robbed in the jokes about non-capitalist systems, when s/he actually has not been robbed at all if the cows were originally owned collectively. This page deals with property as ownership rights. ... Capitalism generally refers to an economic system in which the means of production are all or mostly privately[1][2] owned and operated for profit, and in which investments, distribution, income, production and pricing of goods and services are determined through the operation of a free market. ... Socialism refers to a broad array of ideologies and movements which aim to improve society through collective and egalitarian action; and to a socio-economic system in which property and the distribution of wealth are subject to control by the community. ... Anarchism is a political philosophy or group of philosophies and attitudes which reject any form of compulsory government[1] and support its elimination,[2] often because of a wider rejection of involuntary authority. ...

Cows and political ideas

How people portray different ideologies often depends entirely on their own ideology. With this in mind it should be noted that any "two cows" joke is a vast over simplifications of a very complex system. This allows the creator of the joke to easily focus on what they think is either the best or the worst of that system. It becomes very easy to discard any other critical aspect of the system that might in fact impact how a cow owner would be affected by the given system in reality. In all actuality under each system any number of outcomes are probably possible. So it should always be kept in mind that the avenue the joke takes was probably chosen with a bias for humor rather than a true description of a working political system.

References

External links

• You have Two Cows on Uncyclopedia - Extensive list of over 1000 different versions compiled by Uncyclopedia users
• TheCapitol.Net You Have Two Cows... at YouHaveTwoCows.com